SOS Star Ocean Shorts
by Aire Tame Guh
Summary: A collection of short independent stories about the Star Ocean 3 characters. All sorts of random stuff, from Albel playing Guitar Hero to characters reviewing the game's soundtrack!
1. Albel Gets Owned

SOS – Star Ocean Shorts

Quick Disclaimer: Don't own any of the Star Ocean series, never have, never will, blah blah blah. If I did own Star Ocean, I'd give more people British accents, give players the option of permanently killing off certain optional characters #COUGH#ADRAY#COUGH#, and include lots more cute scenes involving Sophia. Yes, I'm a fan of Sophia. Got a problem with that?

Oddly enough, not a single character says "bastard" in the whole game, despite the fact that Fayt can equip the Bastard Sword. But I digress...

Oh yeah, and I don't own Guitar Hero, Marvel Land (AKA Talmit's Adventure), Mario & Sonic Olympics, Azumanga Daioh, Scrubs, or any other game, anime, or TV show that I may mention! In fact, let's make this simple: I OWN NOTHING! Not even the clothes on my back! #realises he is now naked# Oh, crap! #runs#

Title: Albel Gets Owned  
Synopsis: A certain Glyphian warrior gets introduced to a more modern form of fun: Guitar Hero.

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Why was it taking so long to reach this Moonbase or wherever? The longer there wasn't the chance of a fight going on, the more likely it was that one of those fools would come forth with a completely trivial question or statement. If Albel had to listen to that blue-haired fool repeat part of a sentence, or the blond maggot hitting on someone, or that lump of pure fan service asking one of the other unworthy worms about the aforementioned blue-haired fool, he could swear to Apris that he would throw up. Apris, the Sun God worshipped by the very country he was once at war with. Oh, how the mighty had fallen...  
"Not that I care... but where are those maggots, anyway?"  
Albel the Wicked had seen not hide nor hair of any other member of the crew (later to be dubbed as Defrosted Tuna Team) – despite the fact that he could care less about those fools, he still had to admit that being alone was rather boring. Regardless of who won between Airyglyph and Aquaria, why did the war have to end? Battling, torture, and even assassination were once the highlights of Albel's day. Nowadays he was kept on reserve while Fayt (blue-haired fool) brought along that pure fan service (he believed her name was Sophie, or Sophitia, or something along those lines – not that he cared, he was Albel!) and congratulated her every time she did something in battle. He probably paid her compliments whenever she managed to put her own undergarments on. A rather patronising action, but these idiots were too unintelligent to realise such a thing. This boredom was really starting to consume Albel, and thinking all of these thoughts about his would-be teammates did little to help. He now desired – nay, **required** to find one of them and insult them out aloud. Even without basic knowledge of spaceships, the Aquaelie was far too slow for Albel's tastes.

Now, who to pick on? There was always Fayt, that angst-ridden little blue-haired idealist who kept trying to do the right thing and then whining when something went wrong. OK, so a moderately attractive young woman died because he took her to see her friend who also died, big deal! Thousands of people died on account of the war, many of them by Albel's own hand, death just wasn't a depressing thing presently. Maybe a few reminders of who was responsible for Vendeeni ships attacking Elicoor II might push him over the edge? Nah, the only thing stopping him from committing suicide was the fact that as angst-ridden as he was, he was too proud to take the easy way out. That, and he'd no longer be alive for Albel to annoy. Or what about that blond moron, Cliff? Whoever started the dumb blonde joke trend must have met him on at least one occasion. Thinking about it further, the maiden of Aquaria was rather serious about the majority of things. Maybe Albel could find a way to get Cliff to call her something along the lines of "hot chick" again? Yes, Albel had heard that story from a previous visit to the castle dungeon. First Nel would get annoyed at Cliff, then he would try to explain that he was innocent, and Nel would assume he was lying through his teeth and pull them right out of his head. It would be like killing two Scumbags with one Slayer.

Now, for some reason, the blue-haired woman and fan-service girl had it in for each other – or at least the bluenette had it in for fan-service girl. Albel knew naught of the reasons, but he didn't need to know. By knowing that they annoyed each other, he knew enough. He could easily find one of the girls and then loudly talk about how hot the other girl is, but in order to accomplish that, he would have to learn their names. While pondering his moves, Albel literally walked into the uptight, blue-haired wench he thought of taunting earlier.  
"Albel, watch where you're going!" She exclaimed.  
"Be sure not to stand directly in my path in future, worm!" Albel retorted.  
"My name is Maria – I'd think you would take the time to memorise that, since I made the effort to remember your name." Maria folded her arms and looked away. She seemed hurt... a nice little bonus in Albel's eyes.  
"Where are the others?" He asked, retaining his icy soul.  
"They're in the Holodeck on the Southeast of the ship. Fayt and Cliff have done a bit of tinkering, it seems..."  
"Thank you, worm." Albel grinned as he walked away. Maria, while offended at being described as a worm, was at least grateful that Albel actually thanked someone. "By the way, one of the girls tried on a uniform shirt in your size, but she kept complaining that the buttons around the chest wouldn't fasten. I'd have a talk with Sophie about sizing herself up correctly."  
"Huh?" Maria asked, watching Albel leave. "Oh, you mean Sophia... _**HOW DARE YOU MEAN SOPHIA!??!!?**_" Giving a satisfied chuckle, Albel made his way toward the Southeast Holodeck.

Meanwhile, in the Southeast Holodeck, Cliff had introduced Fayt to something he was finding a lot more fun than even the battle simulators!  
_Has he lost his mind?  
Can he see or is he blind?  
Can he walk at all,  
Or if he moves, will he fall?  
_"Hey, no fair! You're cheating, Cliff!" Fayt cried, watching Cliff nail three closely-placed notes while only strumming once.  
"How are Hammer-ons and Pull-offs cheating?" Cliff asked in his defence. "They're a vital part of becoming a god at this game!" Fayt's small hands fumbled with the guitar-shaped controller he was holding, while a certain adrenaline-fuelled Klausian had been rocking out for quite a while without getting tired.  
"I hate to say it, but maybe Guitar Hero's just not your thing, Fayt?" Nel pondered.  
"No! I'm not stopping until I can beat this song!" Fayt objected, trying his best, but not quite moving his hands fast enough, or sometimes too fast... or sometimes he did that annoying thing where you move your hand too far to the right when you're sure you hit that orange note, and it ends up really pissing you off. Why exactly had Fayt attempted Expert mode on his first try?  
"You don't need to be good at this game, Fayt, you amaze me with your battle skills!" Sophia assured. Before anyone could answer, a sharp bright light shone through the Holodeck, indicating that the door had opened.  
"Greetings, maggots!" Albel sneered, gaining unimpressed looks from Nel, Cliff, Sophia, and Fayt, of whom he proceeded to insult respectively: "Well, well, if it isn't the Wits, the Ditz, the Tits, and the One-Who-Throws-Fits?" Cliff spent a while trying to wrap his head around the situation, while Nel just shook her head in disbelief, and Sophia frowned while covering up her chest. This left Fayt to ask the following question:  
"What do you want, Albel?" he did not sound impressed.  
"To put it simply: I'm bored." Came Albel's reply. He then turned his attention to the game, picking up one of the controllers. "And what manner of entertainment might this be?"  
"It's a game called Guitar Hero," Nel explained. "It seems to emulate the guitars we have on Elicoor II, only the controller has more basic implementations, and the guitars I have seen on this game look electronically advanced."  
"Yeah, you guys only have acoustic guitars at the moment!" Cliff added, deciding to forget about deciphering Albel's insult and stick to conversations he knew about instead.  
"Hmmph! Let me give this a try..." Albel smirked.  
"You might want to start on Easy mode first..." Fayt warned, gaining a scowl from Albel. "... it... it's really hard..."  
"Insolent fool! You dare insinuate that I, Albel the Wicked, cannot handle the difficulty of a mere game!?" Without giving Fayt a chance to answer, Albel began flicking through all of the songs the Defrosted Tuna Team had unlocked. Each song sounded more alien than the last to Albel, however. "What are all of these sounds I'm hearing?" He asked as a hot riff was laid down.  
"It's called music, Albel." Sophia smiled.  
"I know what music is! Are you really that stupid?"  
"No – she was patronising you." Nel replied, laughing to herself on the inside. Choosing to ignore the insolence, Albel finally decided to choose a song at random – Symphony of Destruction, as performed by Megadeth. An amazing part of the tinkering Cliff added was that the player now played to the actual songs – not a cover in sight! Or should that be not a cover in earshot? Well, it was irrelevant.

To everyone's shock, Ablel had picked the game up remarkably quickly, perhaps indicating that he played guitar in his spare time? Only ten minutes before the arrival at Moonbase, and Albel had decided to choose Career Mode (naming his band Glyphian Shred), and gained a 5-star rating on every song! He took great pride and glory in looking at Fayt, Cliff, Nel, and Sophia many times, watching one face after another gain an increasingly surprised look.  
"How on Elicoor II did you do all of that?" Nel asked in shock. "I can barely pass Medium!"  
"It's simple, maggot..." Albel sneered, basking in the glow of his unrivalled narcissism. "Like I always say: It's not the great who are strong; it's the strong who are great!"  
"Then how come I'm not as good at this game?" Cliff asked.  
"You maggots will simply have to face the fact that I have greater-skilled hands than the four of you combined, be it with swords, inventing tools, or these remarkably easy games..." And with that, Albel slowly took his leave, intending to show those peons his godliness for as long as physically possible.  
"Do you mean to tell us, Albel," Sophia finally spoke up. "That you have more skill in your hands than all of us combined when it comes to handling things that are long and hard?" Fayt snorted and threw his hands up to his mouth, trying his best to hide his laughter – he understood instantly what Sophia was insinuating!  
"What!?" Albel cried, his face blushing as furiously as the fury he felt. "You suck!!"  
"Nah, we'll leave that to **you!**" Nel added, falling to the floor and clutching her stomach in a fit of laughter.  
"... oh, NOW I get it!" Cliff started laughing too. Albel was on top of the world a moment ago, or at least on top of the Aquaelie, but one little comment had made him feel like the very worm he so often described others as. Those insolent maggots would pay very dearly very soon, but for now he felt it best to just take his leave...


	2. Sueless Clod

Title: Sueless Clod  
Synopsis: Fayt stumbles in on a naked Sophia. How will he react to such a blatantly awesome situation?

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"_Man! She's taking forever in there! I thought she was just getting changed?_" Fayt had quite a bit of nerve, daring to think such things of his friend as he waited outside her room. Earlier, on the resort planet Hyda IV, Fayt was supposed to meet Sophia to go swimming, and he had informed her that he would just play a few games and head right over to the beach. Of course, much like Fayt, he got completely addicted to the fighting simulator and spent the past two and a half hours playing! Sophia was understandably upset with him, but things seemed all right when he practically begged her to explore the hotel with him. Of course, now Fayt was stood outside Sophia's room, waiting for her to get changed. This must have been sweet revenge for making her wait for so long earlier.  
"Uhh, Sophia?" Fayt asked.  
"Yes, Fayt?" Sophia called from within the room.  
"How long do you think you'll be?"  
"As long as it takes."  
Fayt moaned at this comment, as it gave him no information regarding how long Sophia would take. Well, he supposed it served him right: he completely lost track of time, made his (rather cute) childhood friend believe that he would rather play games than hang out with her, and now karma was sharpening its jaws and biting him on the rear end.

After about fifteen minutes, Fayt's impatience was starting to get the better of him once more.  
"Sophia?" He asked.  
"What is it?" Came the soft reply.  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but what exactly are you doing in there?"  
"I'm trying to decide which of these five **flimsy, slutty, low-cut, undersized** shirts you'd like best..."  
"Whoa!!!" Fayt cried out, his heart rate increasing. "Really?"  
"No!" Sophia giggled. "You are so easy!" Fayt let out another annoyed moan – Sophia was clearly enjoying this far too much. He even began to feel like he was the victim... he may have made Sophia wait for him, but he didn't taunt her about it! Women could sure be mean sometimes... and like many men before him, Fayt felt he would never understand.

Another two minutes passed, and Fayt was beginning to regret having so much to drink. He did need to replenish his hydration from hours of non-stop physical activity, but now that he was stood there not doing anything, he was beginning to desperately need to use the toilet!  
"_Damn it all!_" Fayt thought. "_I really, really need to pee! Why did I drink so much today? And then I had to accept that Dr. Pepper Sophia got me... I can't exactly rush back to the beach and get the key to our room from my parents..._ Sophia?"  
"I'm not taking THAT long, am I Fayt?" Sophia giggled. She sure was enjoying this!  
"Well, about that... I really gotta pee..."  
"You don't fool ME, Fayt Leingod! You just want to rush me!" Enough was enough. Fayt was absolutely certain that Sophia was just taunting him for before. In fact, he had a mental picture in his mind of Sophia sat on the bed, still in her pink gown, chatting away on her mobile phone or playing with the wi-fi connections on her Nintendo DS, all the while laughing at Fayt while he's stuck outside, about to risk either wetting his pants or dying due to a ruptured bladder! Well, that was it. Fayt could officially take no more!  
"That's it! I'm coming in, ready or not!" Fayt called, effortlessly pushing the door open. A very startled Sophia yelped, falling off the edge of the bed and dropping all of the clothes she was about to put on. Fayt could only stop and stare wide-eyed at his fallen friend, completely naked from the waist up... and from the waist down, actually. Fayt instantly noticed the fleshy tones of Sophia's body, more notably her ample bosom, but soon he noticed an enormous blush sweeping its way across Sophia's face. Her cheeks soon shared the same colour as her reasonably sized nipples.  
"Fayt..." Sophia gasped.  
"... wow..." Fayt whispered, fully scanning Sophia's naked form with his eyes...

Sometime later, Fayt and Sophia were back on the beach, Sophia wearing a light pink vest top and blue jeans (with the top button undone, as the jeans were too small), and Fayt wearing a few bruises and a black eye.  
"Son, did you do something to upset Sophia again?" Ryoko asked her blue-haired son.

_"...wow..." Fayt whispered, fully scanning Sophia's naked form with his eyes. She looked truly remarkable. Fayt had known since childhood that Sophia had body image concerns, but he couldn't for the life of him imagine why – she had gorgeous piercing eyes, a gentle soft-looking face (which looked a thousand times better when she smiled), long silky hair that flowed past her shoulders, and a body that was much more enchanting than he had ever imagined... Everything had its own sense of wondrous proportion – and even at 5' 3", Sophia was so chesty! Fayt couldn't believe he'd never noticed before, but he soon chalked it up to the fact that he and Sophia had grown up together. But damn, they looked so lovely... uh-oh, Leingod, she's waiting for an answer!  
"Fayt..." Sophia repeated.  
"Sophia... you're – you're __**tanned!**__"_

"I seriously have no idea, Mom..." Fayt sighed, holding a bag of frozen oven chips on his face. But still, Fayt had refrained from saying something completely foolish and chauvinistic, like "I'm no ornithologist, but I know Great Tits when I see them!", so why had Sophia lain the smack down on him?  
"Sophia said she was bringing you a drink up, Fayt," His father, Dr. Robert Leingod added. "I guess you were so worn out from your games that you spilled your drink?" Fayt cringed, looking down at the large damp stain on the front of his shorts. Getting clobbered by a furious naked girl had an adverse effect on his immediate bladder control.  
"Uhh... yeah... spilled..." Fayt blushed, looking away. Watching from a distance, while throwing rocks into the ocean, was Sophia – still trying to work out whether she was completely embarrassed at the fact that her childhood friend had seen her naked, or completely enraged at the fact that her childhood friend had seen her naked and only mentioned the fact that she had developed a suntan...


	3. I Want To Play

Title: I Want To Play  
Synopsis: While selecting movies from Earth for people to watch, Mirage makes a very, very big mistake...

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"Whatcha looking at, Mirage?" Cliff asked his "partner-in-crime" as he noticed her flicking through a database, watching short videos, and then making little notes on a traditional notepad by her side.  
"I've been researching the different forms of media found within the civilisations of Sol III..." Mirage replied, not looking away from the screen.  
"Heh. It **is** OK to call it Earth, you know?" Cliff chuckled. Mirage made no response, but he could tell she was at least smiling a little. "So, what are the notes for?"  
"I've found something called a movie database. Based on the personalities of everyone on the Diplo, I search through the database until I find a particularly interesting movie, and then I match it up to the person I think suits that movie best... after watching a video preview to make sure it is suitable for their age, of course."  
"Ah, you mean because of Sophia and Peppita? I see what you mean, they are only 17 and 14 respectively. Gotta tell ya, though, the only thing stopping me from hitting on Sophia is a certain blue-haired warrior..."  
"Cliff, you're 36! Don't talk like that!" Mirage scolded. Cliff made a disgusted face – he hated being reminded that he was the eldest member of the Defrosted Tuna Team. "Anyway, Maria isn't such a prude that she'd stop other people from having a relationship!"  
"... that's a good point," Cliff sighed. "But I was talking about Fayt. I've seen the way he looks at her – he desperately wants to get her in the sack!"  
"Cliff Fittir!!!"  
"I mean: in a relationship! Sorry, Mirage, err..." Cliff was desperately seeking an excuse to avoid slow, painful beating at the hands of Mirage, who was now glaring at him with fire in her eyes. "Saying "in the sack" rather than "in a relationship" is a colloquial Earthling term..."  
"Yeah, sure it is..." Mirage sighed, returning to her project. "I'll be sure to pick out a movie that won't have you hogging the cold showers for weeks."  
"Wha-!?" Cliff was taken aback by Mirage's remark of innuendo. "Never expected to hear that outta someone like you..."  
"I guess I'm just full of surprises." Mirage smirked, knowing full well that Cliff was flustered without even the need to look at him.

"Oh, yeah!!" Cliff cheered after watching Tokyo Revelation. "Now **that's** what I call a movie!"  
"I was greatly entertained, and I think I may have picked up a few new moves." Nel smiled. Her designated movie was Kill Bill, and it was guessed that only she would use a movie as a battle tutorial. "Which movie did you see, Fayt?"  
"American Pie," Fayt replied, blushing while reminiscing about every scene involving Shannon Elizabeth, the actress who played Nadia. "Although I can only think of one part of the whole movie that's actually relevant to the title..."  
"What part was that, Fayt?" Sophia asked, curiously.  
"Uhh – moving right along," A flustered Fayt panicked. "What was your movie like, Sophia?"  
"It was heart-warming and touching, yet really, really funny! I've never heard the ogre's side of a fairy tale before!" From this statement, it is evident that Sophia watched Shrek. "Which movie did you pick out for yourself, Mirage?"  
"I'll never tell!" Mirage laughed, unbeknownst of the fact that Peppita had snuck into the viewing booth with her.  
"Daddy would you like some sausage? Daddy would like some sausages?" The young Velbaysian sang repeatedly.  
"You watched Freddy Got Fingered?" Cliff cried out. Mirage was as shocked at Cliff's deduction as she was at Peppita's deception.  
"Peppita!" Mirage cried out. "You were supposed to watch Spirited Away!"  
"Oooh, but Ursus has it on DVD, so I can watch it any time!" Peppita protested.  
"How about you, Maria?" Fayt asked. "What did you end up seeing?"  
"I saw Lara Croft: Tomb Raider..." Maria replied. "... and I suddenly feel rather inadequate..."  
"Now you know how I feel when I'm around Cliff!"  
"I don't think this is funny, Fayt!"  
"Neither do I!" Sophia added. Were those two really in agreement over something? "You shouldn't put yourself down like that!"  
"... what about me?" Maria whimpered, uncharacteristically. Nel, while still in excitement over the action movie she had just watched, couldn't help but feel like there was a distinct lack of insults being sent in random directions.  
"Hey, have any of you guys seen Albel?" Nel asked. The entire Defrosted Tuna Team looked around the immediate area, scanning for the skirt-wearing warrior.  
"He should have seen his movie by now..." Fayt replied. "But you know how he likes to be alone to think and stuff..." Fayt suddenly felt a pair of small, trembling hands wrap around his waist.  
"I'm scared, Fayt..." Sophia whispered.  
"Look at yourself. You're like a lovesick puppy!" Maria scolded. "Have you no sense of feminine shame?"  
"Sophia has a point," Peppita intervened. "Whenever Albel is thinking on his own, bad things happen..."  
"Maria, we **can** lock the doors to our rooms on the Diplo, can't we?" Fayt asked.  
"Yes, of course!" Maria replied. "I understand if you're afraid, I know of the reputation of Albel the Wicked."  
"... that two-faced cow..." Sophia cursed under her breath.

It was 3:42AM when Sophia woke up. Well, according to her biological clock, anyway – it was rather difficult for her to tell the time when she wasn't on a rotating planet. For some odd reason, Sophia couldn't move her arms or her legs. She couldn't even twitch her nose! All Sophia could do as she laid on her bed was blink and breathe.  
"What's going on?"  
Oh, and talk too.  
"Paralysis Symbology?"  
Suddenly, a screen on the ceiling flicked on, showing a man in a dark cloak with a giant hood. The only features Sophia could make out were big red lips and a white face with red swirls on his cheeks.  
"... Hello worm – I mean – Sophia. I want to play a game. If you were able to move at this moment in time, you would notice another person in the room with you. She has a Symbology spell cast upon her that prevents her from seeing anything. If you cannot guide her to either administer basil to your body or learn Cure Condition within two hours, the Paralysis will eventually evolve into Petrification, and you will be permanently turned to stone."  
"What!?" Sophia cried. "No!"  
"Live or die, Sophia. Make your choice." And with that, the screen flickered off, leaving Sophia to scream and cry out in a state of panic.  
"My ears! Calm down, for Apris' sake!"  
"... Nel?" Sophia asked, calming herself a little. "Is that you?"  
"Yes, but I can't see anything. What's going on?"  
"I can't move... I was paralysed, most likely by whoever was on that screen!"  
"This isn't good. We have to try to get help somehow! I'm going to try to assault my other senses." Sophia took a deep breath to calm herself down. She knew Nel was an accomplished warrior/spy, and even without her sight she would be of great help.

"Umm... where's the door?"

At least, Sophia **hoped** Nel would be of great help.  
"Will everything be all right, Nel?" Sophia asked.  
"Don't worry, Sophia, you're in good hands!" Nel assured. Sophia's confidence was knocked down a little when one of those "good hands" ended up slapping across her face!  
"Hey, watch where you're going!" Sophia cried, mentally slapping herself for forgetting that Nel, in fact, could not watch where she was going **or** what she was doing.  
"Sorry, Sophia..." Nel replied. "What am I doing?"  
"You're pressing on my face! The door is to your left... no, that's my arm... Nel, you're grabbing my belly! Look, just stand up straight and turn left, OK?" Out of the corner of her eye, Sophia noticed Nel obeying her commands and walking blindly toward the door with her arms outstretched forward. "When you get outside, call out for Fayt! Or Cliff, or Mirage? Peppita, maybe?"  
"What of Maria and Albel?" Nel asked.  
"We could try Albel..." Sophia didn't care much for the idea of asking Maria for help. She hated Sophia quite a bit for some unknown reason. She couldn't quite put her finger on it (and not just due to paralysis), but she couldn't help but think that Fayt was inadvertently involved somehow. Sophia was brought out of her trail of thought by a loud thud, followed by a softer thud from lower down. "What's happening, Nel?"  
"I think I walked into the door..." Nel replied with a bit of a squeak in her voice, almost as though she had her hand over her nose.  
"We're doomed..."  
"No, I got it! The door's locked, but I can feel for the keypad from here. What code did you use to lock the door when you went to bed?"  
"I used 92572," Sophia replied. "Remember, the button sequence starts with 7-8-9 along the top."  
"OK. It may take a while, since I have to feel my way around... hey, the numbers are embossed on the keys!"  
"Ooh, it's like Braille! That should help, Nel!" It was impossible to tell by looking at her, but Sophia was jumping for joy on the inside. Soon this scary ordeal would be over with, and she could cast Laser Beams on whoever was sick enough to pull this trap off!  
"INCORRECT CODE." A robotic voice said. "TWO TRIES REMAIN UNTIL LOCKDOWN."  
"What!?" Nel cried out. "Did I press a wrong button?"  
"Please hurry, Nel..." Sophia cried. She could feel her heartbeat increasing a little after the failed attempt. If she and Nel were locked inside, there would be no hope, as neither of them had security clearance to override the lock. If only Sophia weren't paralysed, she could have cast Cure Condition herself and solved the problem entirely! Suddenly, Sophia's eyesight became fully diminished, and all she could see was black! "Oh, no! Have my eyes turned to rock!?"  
"Sorry!" She heard Nel call. "I hit the light switch by mistake..." Phew! Sophia was relieved, and chastising herself for jumping to conclusions.

Wait a second... there surely wasn't writing on the ceiling before? Sophia tried focusing on the writing that was now visible to her eyes...  
"You cannot leave the classroom without studying your homework," Sophia read. "Think about it: the Symbology you need to study may not be your own."  
"Did you say something, Sophia?" Nel asked.  
"Just reading out loud." Sophia replied. Soon, the lights flicked back on. "Ah, good. The lights are back on!" Sophia could no longer see what was written on the ceiling... she guessed it was glow-in-the-dark paint that was charging while the lights were on.  
"INCORRECT CODE. ONE TRY UNTIL LOCKDOWN."  
"I got it right!" Nel cried. "I know for a fact that I did!" Sophia's heart sank. For some reason, the code wasn't working, and Nel was about to get the both of them locked inside the room! The message said the Symbology might not be her own, but who else knew Symbology? "I'm gonna try it again."  
"Wait, Nel!" Sophia cried. "Come over here for a sec!" Sophia heard Nel's footsteps get louder as she approached. "Keep following my voice... OK, stop." Nel obediently stopped in from of Sophia. She looked down at the brunette, despite her Symbological blindness.  
"What's the matter, Sophia?" Nel asked.  
"This might sound a little dumb... but could I take a look at your leg?"  
"My leg?"  
"Yeah, the one where you have your Runology inscribed. Please, Nel?"  
"Hmm. An odd request... but since you fear you may turn to stone, I can't say no." Nel slowly lifted her left leg up, resting it on the edge of Sophia's bed.  
"Careful, you're about to step on me." Sophia warned. "Move your leg in a little... that's it." Sophia then noticed something on Nel's inner thigh – something etched out in cuts and scars. Had Nel been self-harming herself at some point? Maybe the pressures of war had been getting to her? No... these cuts were newer than the events on Elicoor II...  
"Is something the matter, Sophia?" Nel asked.  
"... I'm not sure yet." Sophia couldn't take her pretty green eyes off these cuts that were on Nel's thigh. They seemed familiar to her somehow... of course! They were numbers, crudely etched into Nel's skin! "Nel! Go back to the keypad and try 44250!"  
"OK, it was left, right?" Nel asked, bringing her leg back down.  
"Right!"  
"Right?"  
"No, you turn left!"  
"Right."  
"No, LEFT!"  
"I meant – oh, never mind..." Sophia watched Nel as best as she could, but being frozen to the spot made things difficult. "OK, I'm back at the control panel! What was the code to try again?"  
"44250!" Sophia called.  
"4-4-2-5-0..." Nel iterated each digit as she pushed it in.  
"DOOR UNLOCKED." The robotic voice said. "ALLOW DOOR TO CLOSE AND REPEAT CODE TO LOCK." And with that, the door flew open.  
"I did it, Sophia!" Nel cheered, toppling through the open doorway. "Oww!"  
"Nel?" Sophia asked. "Are you all right?"  
"Nel?" Cliff's voice called. "Are you all right?"  
"Cliff?" Nel asked. "Cliff, you have to help us!"  
"Whoa, you asking for help? What's wrong?"  
"Someone managed to get into here tonight... Sophia's paralysed, and I can't see a thing. They managed to change the code for the lock too, but if we don't cure Sophia's paralysis soon, she'll become petrified!"  
"No problem! I'll take her to the healing bay upstairs!" Sophia saw Cliff rush into the room and make four vain attempts to pick her up, but to no avail.  
"This must be a really strong Paralysis Symbol!" Sophia gasped.  
"Either that, or you weigh a ton!" Cliff replied.  
"You're lucky I'm paralysed, pal!"  
"In any case, the only way this'll work is if we can administer basil, but I just left that up to Nel... and since she can't see, this might be a problem."  
"Cliff, why don't you just take Nel up to the healing bay and get her eyesight cured? Then she can administer the basil, and then I won't become a very cute rock!"  
"Now, why didn't I think of that?" Cliff asked, scratching his blond head.  
"She's a genius!" Nel added. "I swear it!"

It was 10AM when the Diplo arrived at Planet Styx. The team for departure consisted of Fayt, Cliff, Maria, Peppita, and the fully healed Sophia & Nel. Of course, Albel couldn't see any of this, as he had been locked in his room (with the lock codes changed by Lancar) to think about a few things. The last thing he saw before being left behind was a screen with Sophia and Nel's faces on it.  
"Just be thankful that you're still alive, Albel." Sophia said, coldly before leaving to join Fayt. Nel just stood there looking at Albel and smiled.  
"Some people see incredibly dangerous tricks in films and think it would be a good idea to imitate them... but not you – not anymore." And with that, the screen turned off, leaving Albel alone with his thoughts, and causing him to utter his only line in this story:

"... game over."


	4. An Alternate Truth

Title: An Alternate Truth  
Synopsis: Roger learns of the truth before anybody else...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Adventures have always been the greatest thing ever, next to being a real man. That's why after hearing of the Urssa Lava Caves, Roger had decided to leave Surferio and embark on another adventure! That, and Lucien was going around saying he had already been there. If Lucien could do it, then Roger could too! Just how much of a man could a 12-year-old boy be? However much it was, Roger was one Menodix who was determined to exceed it!  
"KYAAAAAAAHH!!!"  
"Whoa!" Roger cried out, jumping out of the path of a swooping dragon. It hit the ground with a loud thud, screeching as its talons chipped against the hard earthen floor. The dragon glared at its original prey. "Uh-oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Roger got up and ran as fast as his stubby legs would carry him, feeling a strong wind blow from behind him as the grey dragon flapped its wings in takeoff. Roger ran across some branches that were stuck in a stream in the form of a bridge, making a strong leap for the other side when the turbulence from the dragon's wings blew the twigs apart.  
"Yikes!" Roger cried, watching the twigs flush down the nearby waterfall. "That could have been ME!" Looking back up, he saw the dragon increasing its altitude. "Gah! It's preparing another strike! OK, it's Real Man time!" Roger quickly pulled his axe out from his dungarees, ready to strike the dragon as soon as it was within range. The dragon swooped down to make its attack, screeching out as loud as it could in a magnificent attempt to intimidate its prey – but Roger wasn't giving up yet! He was determined to get to the Urssa Lava Caves and defeat the Marquis, therefore proving once and for all that he was a bigger man than Lucien could ever be!  
"Prepare yourself to DIE!!!" Roger jumped at the dragon, swinging his axe as hard as he could – but one swift swipe from the dragon's claw sent Roger crashing into the stream! As he flew out of the water and down the waterfall, Roger saw his axe flying higher into the air from the impact. A quick thud later, and Roger was in the most severe pain he had ever felt! After crashing down onto the ground near the collecting pool of water, he was sure he had broken his spine. The dragon had given up for now, but Roger soon saw his spinning axe flying back down, heading straight toward his forehead!  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Roger screamed, shutting his eyes tight.

Suddenly, there was nothingness. Roger's pain had disappeared as quickly as it came. He could no longer hear the roar of the waterfall, nor the flapping wings of the surrounding dragons. Was he dead? It was hard to tell. Roger never heard the axe pierce his skull, nor feel the tremendous pain of the impact. Then he realised that he still had his eyes closed tight. Slowly opening them, Roger could still see pure nothingness. Light, air, Elicoor II... everything was completely gone. Nothing existed anymore. But what of his thoughts? His sheer confusion? Roger was certainly confused about the situation, and he was fully aware of this confusion. A grey box flashed up in front of Roger's eyes.  
"What the-!?" He asked himself. Roger's voice, as demonstrated, still existed. "Eternal Sphere... This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. If the problem persists, please contact your system vendor... OK... OK!? Why would it put that at the end of that sentence?" Roger just floated there, staring at the grey box. Having never seen anything like it before, he didn't know whether to touch the OK button, whether or not the OK button actually **was** a button, what on Elicoor II an Eternal Sphere was, or whether he would ever make it to the Urssa Lava Caves. Thinking about it, it had taken Roger at least a week to reach the Mountains of Barr, so how had Lucien had the time to explore the Lava Caves? He must have been lying the whole time! "_**LUCIEN!!! IF I EVER GET OUT OF THIS STRANGE AREA OF NOTHINGNESS, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT!!!!!!**_"

Wow. One simple lie had trapped an adventurous and curious Menodix soul in a system error. And yet there are still people in this world who continue to lie through their teeth! I mean, COME ON!!! I'm not a major fan of Roger, but seriously. Lying is wrong. Stop it.


	5. A Fairy Tale

Title: A Fairy Tale  
Synopsis: Cliff has a less than enjoyable time in Duggus Forest...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm... not long for this world."

Fayt, Cliff, and Nel were exploring the Duggus forest area. Well, not really exploring, they were searching for the collapsed Ameena (who looked like a much thinner, less healthy-looking version of Sophia) after they were told she had fainted in the area. Rather than accompany them to lead the way, the middle-aged woman next-door had just stayed in Peterny. Yeah, fat lot of help she was!  
"Hmm?" Fayt suddenly noticed a very, very, VERY short blonde-haired girl lying on the floor, looking very much worse for wear. She was barely 12 inches tall. "A fairy?" As Fayt approached the fairy, Nel and Cliff followed suit.  
"They're rare," Nel explained. "This is the first time I've seen one too." The fairy looked up at the trio, and then looked down again in despair.  
"... they'll surely eat me alive!" She whimpered.  
"Hey! Don't look at me!" Cliff protested. "I don't eat bugs!" The fairy's eye twitched. She instantly flapped her wings and got right up in Cliff's face!  
"How rude! I'm not a bug!" She cried. Unfortunately, her fatigue got the better of her and she slowly flopped back down to the ground, gasping for breath. Fayt, looking concerned, crouched down in front of the fairy.  
"Are you OK?" He asked. The fairy glanced up at Fayt. He seemed a lot friendlier than the blond macho man he was with. Cuter, too.  
"If I could only feel the mountain mists on my face and drink pure water from her springs, I'd feel much better..." She confided in Fayt. There was something about this short, chubby fairy that just seemed to melt Fayt's heart. Of course, she was awfully cute...  
"OK." Fayt stood up. "We'll go get you some spring water." And with that, the trio walked away.

"Well, you certainly seemed to be in that fairy's bad books..." Fayt grinned at Cliff.  
"It serves you right for referring to her as a bug." Nel added.  
"Hey, if she's small and has wings, that makes her a bug!" Cliff protested.  
"Oh, so you'd class baby birds as bugs?" Nel laughed. "Are you **sure** you're an engineer from Greeton?"  
"Hey, umm... what about Fayt? He seemed almost like he was ready to hit on the thing!"  
"Wh-what!?" Fayt spluttered.  
"I don't think he's the type to hit on a fairy," Nel explained. "I thought that would be more on your list of things, Cliff?"  
"Hey, now..." Cliff started. "I said I was sorry about the "hot chick" thing... well, if I didn't, I meant to! Besides, I'm not gonna hit on her! She's a **bug!**"  
"I'm not a bug!" the fairy cried out from where she was. How in the world had she heard Cliff? Soon, the trio came across another trio – in the form of natural springs.  
"Hey, look!" Fayt called. "Spring water!"  
"Let's try taking some to that fairy we saw." Nel suggested, despite the fact that it was what Fayt was about to do anyway.  
"All right! This should help!" Fayt cheered, filling a canteen with glittering water.  
"I sure hope this will help that fairy." Nel added, filling a canteen with gushing water.  
"Well, let's get this over with." Cliff sighed, filling a canteen with boiling water. "I'm _sure_ the bug will be thrilled."  
"I'm not gonna tell you again!!!"  
"Damn! How does she keep hearing me!?"

When the trio returned, the dying fairy was looking even worse – maybe she had overexerted herself by yelling at Cliff?  
"Here, try this..." Nel offered her canteen, which the fairy gulped down instantly.  
"... it's not working..." She croaked, sadly.  
"Well then, how about this?" Cliff handed her the boiling spring water. One gulp, and she instinctively spat the water out, coughing and spluttering.  
"You bastard!" The fairy yelled, flying up into Cliff's face again. "Are you trying to KILL me?!" Once again, her fatigued little body sank to the ground.  
"Well... this is the only one we have left..." Fayt handed over the glittering spring water. The fairy eyed it up cautiously, and then downed the whole lot in one go. Almost immediately, her body started glittering, and she was back up on her feet.  
"Phew... that's better!" She chimed. "Thank you!"  
"Hey, how come Fayt's worked?" Cliff asked.  
"Tell you what, I'll let you in on a secret!" The fairy seemed to be ignoring Cliff at that moment. "Did you know that in this forests, there are trees that have turned into monsters? They block the forest paths, they do!"  
"I see..." Fayt sighed. "So, what should we do?"  
"... burn 'em down?" Cliff joked. Once again, the fairy's eye twitched, and she was right up in Cliff's face!  
"No, stupid!!!" She then calmly landed on Fayt's shoulder, confiding in him yet again. "I'll be your guide! Those old trees can't fool my eyes! But it'll be up to you to deal with them."  
"... so why can't we just burn them down?"  
"Cliff, what if when you burn the trees, they set other trees on fire as well?" Fayt asked. "We don't wanna start a forest fire..."  
"That's right!" The fairy agreed. "So butt out, stupid!!!" She then proceeded to pull her eyelid down and stick her tongue out at Cliff.

Pretty soon Fayt, Cliff, Nel, and their new fairy friend were deep in the Duggus forest, with Fayt and the fairy leading the way, and Cliff lagging behind.  
"My name's Fayt Leingod," Fayt introduced himself. "What's yours?"  
"My name's Beautina," the little fairy replied. "I'm a member of the Flau race, but we're often referred to as Fairies. I don't mind, personally, but I digress. Who are your friends, Fayt?"  
"They're Cliff Fittir and Nel Zelphyr. We're looking for a girl in this forest named Ameena Leffeld..."  
"Is Nel... the lady?"  
"Yeah, she is."  
"Ah." Beautina smiled a little as she leaned against Fayt's cheek. "So that must mean the big dummy is Cliff!"  
"Hey, now!" Cliff protested, running to catch up to Fayt and Beautina. "Who are you calling a big dummy?"  
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the same airhead who called me a bug so many times!"  
"I am so sick of people saying that blondes are airheads! Besides, you have blonde hair too!"  
"I never said blondes are airheads, just people who mistake fairies as members of the bug family!"  
"This could be rather amusing," Nel smiled. "But still, we have no time to waste. Who knows how long Ameena has left?"  
"You're right, Nel." Fayt replied. "Beautina, do you know where she might be?"  
"Sorry, Fayt, but I have no idea what she looks like..." Beautina sighed.  
"Oh, about yay high, likes flowers, long hair..." Cliff started.  
"I need a better description than that, moron!" Beautina scowled.  
"Geez, what was small enough to crawl up HER butt and die?" Cliff started to lag behind again, wanting as little to do with Beautina as possible. And why was she acting so lovey-dovey with Fayt? Stupid little bug...  
"Watch out!" Beautina cried, causing the party to come to a halt. Fayt found himself staring right at an old, rotting tree with repulsive fruits hanging from its branches. If he didn't know any better, he would say that this tree had a face...  
"What is it, Beautina?" Nel asked.  
"This old tree is really a monster!" As soon as it was found out, the tree began to shake and roar, sending its branches swinging at Fayt and his party!  
"NOW can we burn it down?" Cliff asked.  
"NO, stupid!!!" Beautina yelled. "You have to fight it!"  
"OK, OK... I'll try using my Hammer of Might!"  
"Nel, try to scan the enemy to see its weaknesses," Fayt commanded. "I'll keep spamming Side Kick until I have a 300 Cancel Bonus and own this creep!"  
"OK..." Nel responded, using her refined inner abilities to read her opponent's mind. "This thing's called a Grapebind. It has 7'600 Hit Points, but only 181 Mind Points. It resists the Earth element, and absorbs water!"  
"Mental note: don't use Ice Blade!" Fayt said, getting his leg trapped in a vine and being hoisted up in the air. "Does it have any weaknesses?"  
"Yes! Grapebind is weak against Fire!"  
"I knew it!!" Cliff yelled. "That bug just wants to make things harder for us! Well, I ain't gonna stand for it! Good thing I learned how to use Common Attack Symbols!"  
"Don't you DARE!!!" Beautina shouted.  
"_**Fire Bolt!!!**_" Cliff sent a ball of flaming fire from his palm, instantly setting the Grapebind ablaze. Loud screams of agony erupted from the Grapebind's mouth as the flames consumed it, whittling it down to mere ashes. Fayt hit the ground with a thud, rubbing his face where he had impacted.  
"Oww! Couldn't you have got me down gently?" Fayt asked.  
"hey, I won us the fight, didn't I?" Cliff cheered. "Nobody'll be able to stand up to me at this rate!"  
"Uhh... I hate to spoil this "Aren't we the best?" session, but..." Nel pointed at a perfectly innocent tree that had been caught in the crossfire. Scorching hot flames ignited its leaves, catching the next tree on fire, and the next, and the next. Soon, Fayt and his team were surrounded in a chain reaction of flames!  
"Oh, crap!!!" Fayt cried.  
"NOW look what you've done, you big dumb dummy!!!" Beautina yelled, kicking Cliff. "You'd better use some sort of water or ice spell to stop those flames, quick!"  
"I'm on it!" Nel sprung into immediate action, as was her way. "_**Ice Needles!!!**_" Firing small shards of ice from thin air, Nel was doing her best to extinguish the flames.  
"Mud and gravel also help!" Fayt cheered. "_**Earth Glaive!!!**_" At Fayt's command, the soil underneath him burst upward and multiplied, forming large spikes of mud that engulfed the flames and suffocated them, effectively quelling the fire.  
"Well, if you guys can help, then so can I!" Cliff grinned.  
"You've done enough!!" Beautina yelled.

It took half an hour, but the flames finally died down to a standstill. A lot of trees has burned to ashes, but Fayt and Nel had prevented as much as they could, with Cliff constantly being reprimanded by Beautina.  
"Phew! It's finally over..." Fayt sighed.  
"Looks like a lot of damaged was caused..." Nel added. Fayt wandered over to Cliff, taking him away from Nel and Beautina.  
"Have you SEEN all of this!?" Fayt cried.  
"What's the problem?" Cliff asked. "You got the fire contained, didn't you?"  
"The problem is that if the Federation ever finds out about this, they'll reintroduce the HANGING offence! I thought things were bad before, but you may as well have burned the entire UP3 document!!!"  
"I swear, kid, if you mention the UP3 one more damn time, I'll feed you to the next one of those Grapebind things I see!" Cliff didn't really mean to lash out at Fayt; he was just intolerably angry at how Beautina was treating him, and let's face it – a guy can only hear about the Underdeveloped Planet Preservation Pact so many times! But then, since Fayt was the son of a Federation bigwig, Cliff supposed it couldn't be helped.  
"What's going on here?" Beautina asked, flying toward the duo and landing on top of Fayt's head.  
"Hey, you know, you're a lot lighter than you look!" Fayt commented.  
"Why, thank you!" Beautina giggled.  
"I'm gonna be sick..." Cliff sighed.  
"Beautina, we can't hang around here," Fayt said. "Ameena has long brown hair, and I'd say she's about 5 feet and 4 inches tall. She looks rather thin and frail, as though she hasn't been well in quite a long time. Would you be able to fly above these trees and see if you could spot her?"  
"Now that's the kind of description I needed!" Beautina chimed, taking to the skies. "Just leave it to me!" Fayt, Cliff, and Nel all watched as Beautina became nothing more than a speck in the sky.  
"Why do I get the feeling you're being some kind of ladies' man?" Cliff asked.  
"Wha-? Who, me?" Fayt spluttered, obviously flustered.  
"I have to admit, Fayt does seem rather favourable to the opposite sex." Nel added.  
"Wh-what do you mean?" Fayt was actually blushing a little bit now.  
"Well, Ameena certainly took a liking to you, didn't she? After all, she gave you the Maiden of Irisa. Tynave and Farleen keep talking about you too. Oh, that Farleen. She'll talk about you until her helium wears off..."  
"Helium... I knew it!"  
"And now, this Beautina's flirting with you an awful lot! But she sure is hard on you, Cliff..."  
"That bug called me an airhead!" Cliff protested. Pretty soon, a small black shoe fell down from the sky and hit Cliff's head with perfect accuracy.  
"Uh-oh!" Fayt said, picking up the shoe. "Hey, Beautina! I think you dropped your shoe!"  
"Uhh... yeah... dropped..." Beautina giggled. "... I found her! I found Ameena!"  
"All right! Beautina, lead the way!"  
"Follow me!" Beautina quickly flew away, leaving Fayt, Cliff, and Nel to pursue on foot.

A good two hours later, the Defrosted Tuna Team (with new temporary arrival Roger) arrived at a large lake area. Nel couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she could sense something very apprehensive about the area.  
"Is this where the fog is coming from?" Fayt asked.  
"Either way, there's definitely something suspicious about this place." Roger replied. Cliff just stood there, looking confused.  
"OK, what do we do next?" The blond Klausian asked. Suddenly, a deep rumbling began to emanate from below the lake.  
"Something's coming!" Nel warned, readying her battle stance.  
"This looks like trouble!" Roger cried. The rumbling was soon accompanied by the sound of passing gas.  
"It **smells** like trouble, too!" Fayt added. The rumbling got louder and louder, and a large brown blob of mud began to rise from the lake. At least, Fayt hoped it was mud. As the mound rose higher and higher, Fayt saw a pair of large eyes, and a big mouth with crooked yellow teeth.  
"That smell is getting worse!" Cliff gasped, holding his nose. "What's happening?"  
"And where's that acoustic music coming from?" Fayt asked. The large mound sprouted arms and brought its fist up to its mouth, clearing its throat and humming a few bars.  
"Who or what are you?" Nel challenged the foul-smelling beast. It began to sing along to the mysteriously placed music, curling its tongue to give a rolling sound to any pronounced "r" sounds:  
"_I am the Great Mighty Poo,  
And I'm going to throw my shit at you!  
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish.  
How about some scat, you little twat?_"  
"I'm not going anywhere NEAR that thing!!" Fayt cried, holding his nose. "Nel, scan it!"  
"8'000 Hit Points," Nel replied. "500 Mind Points, absorbs Earth, and (ironically enough) vulnerable to Wind."  
"Let's try using Thunder attacks!"  
"Good idea, Fayt!" Beautina cheered. "Lightning is bound to the Wind element!"  
"All right! Everyone, let's use Lightning Blast!" The Great Mighty Poo was no match for a high barrage of Lightning attacks, and it soon began to fizzle down into a small puddle, although it really began to smell a lot worse.  
"Aaaaaagh!!!" It screamed. "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeltiiiiiiiiing..." And soon enough, the Great Mighty Poo was no more.  
"Oh, what a world." Nel smiled.  
"Why do I get the feeling that thing was in the wrong game?" Fayt asked.  
"See, Fayt?" Cliff replied. "Nobody's paying attention to the UP3! You may as well face it, nobody cares!"  
"I care!!!" Beautina was once again in Cliff's face. "I don't know what a UP3 is, but you can't talk to cute little Fayt like that!"  
"I'd love to know how you can call anybody little, bug! You're so short, when it rains you're the last to know! You even have to look up to ants! Hell, you're so damn short, a blade of grass is an Olympic High Jump to you!"  
"Ooooooh! I **hate** you! And so what if I'm short? I'm a fairy! Fairies are supposed to be short! And since blondes aren't supposed to be stupid, what on Titan happened to YOU?"  
"Titan?" Fayt asked.  
"That's the name of our planet," Nel replied. "You and Cliff seem to keep referring to it as Elicoor II."  
"And what is with those bags under your eyes?" Beautina continued. "Age certainly isn't treating you well at all! Then again, maybe you just don't remember all the times I've told you I'm not a bug! Could it be a senior moment?"  
"OK, that does it!" Cliff stated, grabbing Fayt's Bastard Sword. "Timon and Pumbaa eat bugs, why can't I?"  
"I keep telling you, I'm NOT A BUG!!!" Beautina and Cliff were spending so much time arguing that they didn't notice Fayt, Nel, and Roger taking Ameena back to Peterny.  
"Well, what else can you be? You're a short little thing with wings! Plus you bug me a lot!"  
"Oh, yeah!? Well, you're big, brutish and ugly, and you smell really bad! I guess that must make you a Mudman!"  
"Smell really bad!? Are you implying that I have BO?"  
"No, I'm saying it to your face!"  
"I've had enough! You've had it in for me since I got here!"  
"You deserved it! You've been stupid and ignorant ever since you first saw me! At least I could confide in Fayt, he's nice and kind! ... say, where **is** Fayt?" Cliff and Beautina postponed their feud to notice that they were the only people in the forest.  
"Fayt?" Cliff asked. "Yo, Fayt! Nel? Roger?"  
"Where did everybody go?"  
"They just left me in the forest? With YOU!?"  
"This is no walk in the park for me either! Forget this, I'm going back to Surferio!" And with that, Beautina flew away.  
"Whoa, wait a second!" Cliff yelled. "How am I gonna get back to Peterny!?" Cliff's question fell on deaf ears. Beautina couldn't stand him any longer, and the others had taken the safe route by not getting involved. How would he find his way out of Duggus Forest now?

"... ... ... _**Fire Bolt!!!**_"


	6. Refined Behaviour

Title: Refined Behaviour  
Synopsis: A quick look at what happens when people try to refine just anything...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's a good thing we found this terminal..." Fayt said, punching in a few buttons in Moonbase. "Now hopefully we can strengthen our weapons and actually stand a chance against those Proclaimers!" The Defrosted Tuna Team had felt rather confident in their ability to despatch some of the robotic enemies, but the large quadrupedal tanks and those strange Proclaimer life forms were really giving them a run for their money! Fayt knew that his only hope of ever reaching his father's research lab was to get past all of these monsters, and also that the only hope of ever defeating them was to level up and increase their stats. But since these enemies could make mincemeat out of the Defrosted Tuna Team before they could level up enough times, Fayt decided to take the next best step and refine some stat-boosting items to the party's weapons.  
"So, what's the plan, Fayt?" Cliff asked.  
"Do you remember back in Airyglyph when you said I was spending a lot of time with Misty Lear?"  
"Misty Lear?" Maria repeated. "Who is she?"  
"She's a very talented alchemist! It's thanks to her, and some other guy, that I managed to develop lots of Orichalcum."  
"Oh... so **that** was Misty Lear. But Fayt, you didn't actually do anything. It was me, Mackwell, and Mitsy who developed the Orichalcum material!"  
"Misty."  
"Whatever! Anyway, why bring that up now?"  
"Well, I think we have the materials and fol to refine the Orichalcum so that our Attack level rises by 3'500 points, AND raise our chances of using Fury to survive a critical blow by 50!"  
"I would really love to know where you're getting all this stuff!" Cliff interrupted. "Because it sure isn't from inventing experience!"  
"OK, so I'm not on the inventing team for Alchemy often, leave me alone!"  
"So, what will you be doing, Fayt?" Sophia asked, as full of curiosity as ever.  
"First, we'll take these fully refined Orichalcum specimens, then we'll take our weapons and synthesise the Orichalcum to them, increasing the Attack output by an amazing amount!"  
"No offence, Fayt, but this is flying way over my head..." This was to be expected of Sophia: She had only been rescued from Biwig a short while ago, and had no experience in Item Creation in general, let alone Alchemy.  
"So, should we start synthesising these materials?" Maria asked, trying to keep Fayt's attention.  
"Yeah, of course!" Fayt replied, keeping himself focused. "Once we're done, those Proclaimers will be sorry they ever messed with us!"

"All right! Looking good!" Fayt cheered, holding his shiny Laser Weapon that gave him 3'700 total Attack points and a 50 chance of surviving on Fury. Everyone else had the same kind of weapon, with the same attributes.  
"Now this is something I can get used to!" Cliff cheered. "I could tear this entire Moonbase to shreds!"  
"Yeah, and take us with it!" Maria cried. "If you destroy this base, we'll be violently sucked into space!"  
"Oops, oh yeah..."  
"I wonder if synthesis works on just about everything?" Sophia pondered. "I mean, we can only synthesise 8 attributes to a weapon, right?"  
"Yeah, but there are some things that can't have attributes synthesised onto them," Fayt explained. "Like a Ring of Erudition, for example. But still, there are a number of things that haven't been mentioned..."  
"Hmmm..." Maria contemplated. "What about refining qualities to regular garments? Like what we wear regularly?"  
"I dunno," Cliff grinned. "I think when it comes to bras, Sophia would be able to harness more attributes than you!" At that point, Fayt witnessed a sight that he never thought he would – Sophia and Maria actually teamed up to kick Cliff into the ground! "... I brought that on myself..."

Pretty soon, all the males of the Defrosted Tuna Team had been sent to the Moonbase showers by Maria, as all that item refining had left them "smelling like a pair of Ultra Heavyweight wrestlers might do if they could, and did, have a 24-hour Ironman match without any breaks whatsoever". When Maria had taken up watching wrestling was anybody's guess, but now she, Sophia, Nel, and Peppita were stood outside the showers, waiting for Fayt, Cliff, and Albel to finish.  
"I'm bored!" Peppita whined. "Nel, let's go play!"  
"All right," Nel replied, quickly and uncharacteristically. She must have been bored as well. "Just don't go near those Proclaimers..."  
"I won't! I hate being killed, it's unhealthy!" And with that, Peppita rushed off with Nel in pursuit.  
"And off they go..." Maria sighed.  
"Hey, do you think we'll be OK?" Sophia asked.  
"... what do you mean?"  
"Well, Fayt easily has the highest Attack stat of all of us, but I think his defence might be lacking somewhat. After all, these monsters have huge attack stats as well!"  
"Well, I suppose that's true... but what exactly are you saying?"  
"Fayt would never equip stuff to boost his defence, he's quite stubborn like that. I think we should take his clothes while he's in the shower and start synthesising diamonds to them!"  
"Hmm... oddly enough, I completely agree with you! OK, let's do it!"  
"Awesome! OK, Maria, go get the clothes!"  
"What!?" Maria cried, blushing. "Why me?"  
"Do you know what will happen if I see Fayt naked?" Sophia blushed. "I'd die of embarrassment!"  
"Awww, what about Cliff and Albel?" Maria teased.  
"Cliff would probably try to flirt his way around it, and I'd end up arrested for Grievous Bodily Harm, and come on – Albel wears a SKIRT! Something tells me if I saw him naked I'd die laughing!"  
"Now come on! I don't think Albel's all that bad!"  
"Sheesh! I'm gonna go and get the clothes before you turn this into an Albia story!" Sophia quietly stepped into the shower room, although the sound of Cliff's voice meant she may as well have barged in with guns blazing:  
"_And when you LOVE HER-LOVE HER she will be,  
Your little ANGEL-ANGEL in your heart,  
You've got to PUSH IT-PUSH IT for her love,  
And then for EVER-EVER she will be..._"  
"Cliff, cut it out!" Fayt cried, banging his fist on the wall. "God, you couldn't carry a tune in a wheelbarrow!!"  
"Oh, yeah?" Cliff protested. "Don't tell me you've never sung in the shower!"  
"Maggot! Don't encourage him!" Albel cried.  
"All that studying you did of Earth's culture," Fayt sighed. "And the only song you know the lyrics to is the English translation of Ai no Tenshi?"  
"OK, then, let's hear YOU, hotshot!" Cliff retorted.  
"You want it – you got it!" Fayt cleared his throat.  
"No!!" Albel cried, expecting doom.  
"_He says he knows me,  
But I don't know that guuuuuuuuy...  
He's waving at me,  
But he looks kinda maaaaad..._"  
Sophia had just managed to crawl across to Fayt's carelessly discarded pile of clothes...  
"_Some crazy bastard wants to hit meeeeeeee...  
He's waving me over, so he can hit meeeeeeee...  
And I don't know that guy,  
But I'm not going over there,  
Some crazy bastard  
Wants to hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit me..._"  
"Wow..." Sophia whispered. "He sounds like an angel..."  
"Hmmph! You call that singing?" Albel scoffed.  
"Shut up! He was amazing!!!" is what Sophia wanted to say, but if she had, it would have given her position away. So she decided to remain quiet.  
"So what would you sing then, Albel?" Fayt asked.  
"Heh. Listen and learn...  
_This was a triumph.  
I'm making a note here: Huge Success.  
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.  
Aperture Science,  
We do what we must because we can,  
For the good of all of us,  
Except the ones who are dead._"  
"I think I see why Albel chose that song..." Cliff said. "But come on, I'm the best singer here!"  
"You're the best!?" Fayt cried. "You couldn't hit a single correct note! Your voice keeps cracking! My pitch was perfect!"  
"You two know nothing about voice projection," Albel interrupted. "That's where I am superior!" Sophia quickly scooped up Fayt's clothes and ran out the door.  
"Hey, did you guys hear something?" Cliff asked.  
"Besides your horrible singing and incessant complaining? Not really. Be thankful we have separate shower cubicles, or you'd be dead right now!"

Sophia had slammed the door behind her, leaning against it and gasping for breath.  
"What's the matter?" Maria asked. "Did something happen in there?"  
"Well..." Sophia began.  
"Oh, come on! How bad can it be?" Maria pushed Sophia aside and opened the door.  
"_Here I'm standing in the light,_" The "manly" trio sang.  
"Wait... you gotta be kidding." Maria sighed.  
"_My crescent wand the only light...  
Alone against my darkest fear,  
But I sense my friends are near,  
I'll draw from each the power I need,  
Evil queen we will defeat!_"  
"What happened?" Sophia asked as Maria backed away. Maria's face was white as a sheet, as though she had seen a banshee – or at least heard three of them singing.  
"Let's get to the workshop and as far away from here as possible!" Maria cried.

"Sophia, please tell me you're not going to synthesise Fayt's boxer shorts!" Maria cried.  
"It's the last place he'll suspect!" Sophia grinned, lining the hem of Fayt's shorts with refined diamonds.  
"You know, I have to admit, I kinda thought he'd be more of a tighty-whitey man!"  
"No, that's Cliff." Sophia slipped a hand into her top and pulled out a strange book, then she followed some instructions while refining Fayt's shorts.  
"What is **that?**" Maria asked.  
"It's called Fire Absorption," Sophia replied. "It'll give Fayt the ability to absorb Fire attacks as Hit Points!"  
"... you keep the strangest things in your bra."  
"Can we go one story without mentioning either my breasts or my bra?"  
"With this author? Not likely..." Maria sighed. Sophia gently pulled Fayt's refined shorts up, as though to examine them. They felt a little heavier than before, which was understandable due to the refined diamonds.  
"I think I'll have to make the waistband tighter in order to keep these up," Sophia deducted. "It might make Fayt feel like he's getting fat, but with the extra defence, it'll be worth it!"  
"You mean it actually worked?" Maria asked.  
"Yeah! Wow... I wonder what else we can synthesise?"

"Hmm... that's odd," Fayt whispered, moments after getting himself dressed. "My shorts feel a bit heavier and tighter than usual..."  
"What's keeping you, Fayt?" Cliff asked. He and Albel were all set up to kick some ass; it was Fayt who was lagging behind, particularly because he felt like his clothes were heavier.  
"Ah, it's nothing. You guys don't think I've been putting on weight, do you?"  
"It's finally happened!" Albel cried. "The blue-haired worm's become so feminine he's turned into a woman!"  
"What are you guys talking about?" Nel asked, just arriving in the area with Peppita. How she hadn't lost any energy from playing around was anybody's guess.  
"Nothing much," Fayt replied. "Albel's calling me a woman, though."  
"You idiot!" Peppita yelled at Albel, standing right in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Can't you see that Fayt's a man?"  
"Heh. A man who's conscious about his weight!" Albel scoffed. "Typical woman behaviour, if you ask me!"  
"Oh, yeah? Well, at least Fayt doesn't wear a SKIRT!"  
"**What?!**" Albel cried, quickly regaining his composure. "It's not a skirt, it's a kilt! ... sicko!"  
"Doesn't look much like a kilt to me!" Fayt laughed. "You look like a skinny little cross-dresser!" Albel could finally take no more. He was feared back in the times of the war, but the other team members weren't frightened at all! In fact, they were laughing at him!  
"Silence, maggot!" Albel grabbed his sword and swung deftly at Fayt! As soon as the blade came into contact with Fayt's body, the steel weapon was shattered into a million pieces! Peppita, who had hidden behind a box to escape the flying shards, could only stare in disbelief.  
"What... what in the world?" Albel gasped.  
"What just happened?" Peppita added. "I thought my darling Fayt was a goner for sure!"  
"What do you mean **your** darling Fayt?" Maria muttered.  
"You know, I'm kinda confused about this myself," Fayt said. "Why am I not dead?"  
"Well..." Sophia stepped forward, smiling. "We kinda took your clothes and synthesised them with as many refined diamonds as we could find. That's why your clothes feel heavier. I had to make them tighter so that they wouldn't fall down..."  
"Wait a minute – what else have you been up to while we were in the showers?" Cliff asked. "You haven't made this guy completely invincible, have you?"  
"Actually," Maria replied. "Each diamond was fully refined to give a boost of 400 points per diamond, and we laced about 10 of them into the fabric of the shorts..."  
"So, now I've been boosted by 4'000 points?!" Fayt cried.  
"What about the rest of us?" Nel protested. "Surely we need protection too?"  
"Umm..." Sophia stepped back. She had been thinking so much about Fayt that she didn't realise that everyone else may feel left out! Maria had thought the same way, but she was stepping back and letting Sophia take full responsibility – meaning Cliff, Albel, Nel, and Mirage were staring daggers at her, while Maria was staying out of it, Peppita was wondering how to stop the imminent bloodshed, and Fayt was lifting the side of his shirt and poking at love handles that existed only in his mind.  
"Why don't you want the rest of us to have higher defence?" Nel asked.  
"Are you trying to keep Fayt all to yourself?" Mirage followed.  
"What about all the Synthesising materials you used?" Cliff added. "What if I wanna make my gauntlets stronger?"  
"And what are you going to do about a new sword for me!?" Albel yelled. Peppita quickly rummaged through the Defrosted Tuna Team's inventory for something – **anything** – that might get everyone's attention away from their anger, but she couldn't help but notice that the inventory was lighter...  
"Umm... guys?" Peppita asked. "Didn't we have eight sets of Bunny Shoes in here earlier? And there are 18 sets of Synthesising materials missing, not just 10!"  
"Now that I think about it," Maria replied. "Sophia didn't stop with Fayt's clothes... did you, Sophia?"  
"Heh-heh..." Sophia laughed nervously. "I kinda synthesised Bunny Shoes to my clothes, too... see, I kinda anticipated this, and... umm... RUN AWAY!" And with that, Sophia took off running, gaining a 240 increase in Movement rate and a massive head-start on her pursuers!  
"You can't run forever, worm!" Albel called. "You'll run into some enemies eventually, and then we'll see what happens to you!" Fayt just stood there wide-eyed as he watched Cliff, Nel, Albel, and Mirage chase in vain after the speedy Sophia.  
"... I kinda think she'd prefer taking her chances with the enemy over with that lot..." He sighed. "I guess I should go help in case there are any monsters Sophia runs into... I just wish she'd saved some Bunny Shoes for me!" Fayt tried giving chase, albeit at a much slower pace than usual. Having diamonds etched into his underwear certainly made moving around a lot tougher...


	7. Tummy Trouble

Title: Tummy Trouble  
Synopsis: An alternate look on when Sophia kept Fayt waiting...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Boy, she sure is taking forever! I bet she's making me wait on purpose!_"

Fayt Leingod felt pathetic – first he forgot that he was supposed to meet his childhood friend Sophia Esteed at the beach in the Grantier resort on Hyda IV, then it was found out that he was spending all his time playing games when he had stated previously that he had "tons of homework to do". To top it all off, he had to swallow his pride and beg Sophia to wander around the hotel with him. He was a step away from getting on his knees!! Now he was waiting outside Sophia's hotel room for her to get changed out of her swimsuit.  
"_I can't believe I missed out on today!_" Fayt mentally kicked himself. "_I bet Sophia looks great in swimwear!_"

Meanwhile, inside the room, Sophia had just finished in the shower, washing all the ocean saltwater out of her hair. Swimming was fine for her, but if her hair were to end up in unmanageable knots she wouldn't be best pleased! The first thing on her agenda was picking out clothes to wear. Hyda IV was quite a hot planet, so wearing more than one layer was out of the question. Sophia decided on a thin, pink tank top – it didn't reveal too much; just enough to keep her from overheating. But of course, before that, she needed underwear! Opening a drawer in the chest next to her bed, Sophia took out a pair of neatly rolled-up panties which she kept underneath the matching bra, each article being white with red hearts all over. Sophia didn't get the special patterns to show off to anyone, it was just to make her feel a bit nicer. Nobody knew there were hearts covering her underwear, but she knew they were there, and that was good enough for her.

After slipping on her underwear and choosing a pair of white socks, Sophia reached her arch nemesis: a pair of jeans she had been battling with since her 16th birthday. Every time she tried these jeans on, the inadequate amount of denim had never allowed them to be fully fastened around her soft midsection. She would then leave the jeans for about a month or so, and then come back to them and try once again to squeeze herself into them. On a few occasions, Sophia had tried starving herself in a vain effort to make her waist shrink enough to fit into them, but it never worked, as she would always become too hungry and end up overeating. Sometimes it would result in her gaining more weight than she lost! Thinking about it, wasn't it always Fayt who brought loads of snacks over around the time Sophia's hunger got the best of her? Oh, well. It wasn't like he was trying to impede her weight loss, or anything. Digressions aside, Sophia was determined that things would be different this time. Sophia took the jeans in hand and slid her right leg through, remembering that the legs of the jeans were actually designed to stop just above the shins. Sophia then pulled her left leg into the jeans, grunting a little as they came up and provided a taut fit around her rear end.  
"_Hmm... so far, so good..._" She thought. "OK, jeans. You don't like me, and I don't like you – but I've been a very good girl! I've been swimming, watching my diet, and I was even doing sit-ups every morning for the past two day- umm, **weeks**! So, you had better treat me right!" And with that, Sophia grabbed both ends of the fastening and pulled inwards as hard as she could, but try as she might, she just couldn't get the button to reach the slot on the other side.

"Come on!!!"

Sophia pulled and pulled, but she just couldn't get it to work. It seemed as though the denim demon had claimed victory once again.

"Maybe if I try the zipper first?"

Sophia abandoned the button for now, trying desperately to zip her jeans up first instead. The flimsy thing didn't even reach half-way up. But Sophia wasn't giving up yet – in a determined effort, she took in the deepest breath she could and used her abdominal muscles to bring her stomach inward, trying the zipper once again. Within twenty seconds, she managed to get the zipper up all the way, and after that it was a simple matter of pulling the button through the slot – but alas, poor little Sophia could hold her breath no longer. As she fully relaxed, letting her stomach out, the zipper got pulled all the way back down. She moaned in frustration and punched her stomach, an action she soon came to regret, rubbing the impact zone and moaning.

"Owww... my tummy hurts..."

Poor Sophia. It was her head, brainwashed with society's idea of idealistic beauty, that told her that she needed to slim down in order to be beautiful, and those wretched year-old jeans that refused to fasten, no matter what she tried, so why was she taking her anger out on her stomach? It wasn't like she had asked to be fat. She was even self-conscious while swimming, almost certain that people were mistaking her for a whale. Of course, nobody she talked to about it said she was fat, or chubby, or even pudgy, but they were just being polite, they must have been. Sophia knew that she was easily the fattest girl on Hyda IV, and the others were just too polite to say anything – some even outright protesting against it! But even so, she was determined that she would defeat these jeans this time!

"OK! Time for my last resort!!"

Sophia grabbed the fastenings of her jeans and threw herself onto the bed, breathing in deep and sucking her stomach in again. Lying down seemed to flatten her stomach out a bit more than usual. Practically yanking the zipper up, Sophia managed to get it fully fastened up all the way on the first tug! The button was the only obstacle left now, but she could feel her lungs requiring her breathing to continue. Fumbling with the button a little, Sophia cursed at herself mentally. As she grabbed the button once more, she could feel her face turning blue. But her determination to persevere was greater than her need to breathe!...

"I did it!!!"

Sophia gasped for breath, lying on her bed and revelling in the victory she had gained over her now fully fastened jeans. It had taken a year and a half, but she had finally done it. Sophia one, jeans-that-were-two-sizes-too-small nil! Well, actually the score was 19 to 1 in favour of the jeans, but she didn't care – she'd won! She had to show someone – the first person to spring to mind was the one she'd wanted to show for ages; the one she had grown up with for years; the one waiting outside her room right now! She had to show Fayt!

"OK, time to get up!"

Sophia slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position, but as her back became more upright, the pressure against her stomach began to build up. Soon, Sophia began to feel very uncomfortable. Were the jeans worth all of this?

"Al... most.. there!"

Sophia had finally managed to sit up, but her stomach was killing her! All she had done was sit up straight, and the poor girl was on the verge of tears, wondering why she had done this to herself. Suddenly, right when it felt like her waist was on fire, Sophia felt a pop, and a sudden feeling of release. Next she heard a chink and a plop, like the sound of a fast-flying button hitting a wall and landing on the carpet. Opening her eyes and rubbing her sore tummy (which was feeling a lot better at that moment), Sophia noticed that her button had been ripped right off the jeans and was on the floor.

"What!? I... I don't believe it!"

Sophia stood up slowly, staring at the button in disbelief. She had the idea in her head that she was fat, but she had no idea that she was **that** fat! She had been battling those jeans for a year and a half, and within the past few minutes, she had ended the battle forever. She crouched down to pick up the button, and stuffed it into her left pocket as she stood up. Oddly enough, Sophia realised that, despite her jeans not being fastened, they stayed up on her lower body perfectly well, as though they were fastened after all.

"Oh, forget it! I'll just wear them like this!"

Sophia flung her tank top on, then just slipped on a pair of sandals, forgetting her socks completely. The socks wouldn't have looked good with sandals, anyway. In any case, Sophia had kept Fayt waiting long enough. Button or no button, she couldn't keep him waiting for too long. Sure she could act, but she couldn't stay mad at him...

"Hi, Fayt!" Sophia chimed as she came out of her room, not letting on that the button was troubling her.  
"Took you long enough!" Fayt laughed, checking out his childhood friend. "What were you doing all that time?"  
"Just changing. I didn't take that long, did I?" Sophia asked, pausing just long enough to give Fayt a chance to speak... then suddenly cutting in with: "Besides, you kept me waiting... how long was it? Serves you right!"  
"Right, right..." Fayt did certainly feel like he had wronged Sophia, but he couldn't help but notice the fact that Sophia's jeans weren't fastened. Was this a popular fashion, or something? Or maybe they were just too small for her? Whatever the reason, it didn't look too bad. Fayt subconsciously noticed a small sliver of white where the fastenings had parted...  
"_Little red love hearts..._" he thought. "_How cute!_" Fayt was suddenly pulled out of his trail of thought by Sophia, who had just grabbed his hand and was trying to lead him away.  
"Shall we?" She asked. Fayt looked back up into Sophia's eyes, trying to cover his bashfulness with an expression of slight exasperation at being dragged.  
"OK, just don't yank my arm off!!" He cried, letting himself follow Sophia. "_Great... now I'm staring at her butt... I gotta get my hormones in check. Damn, life was so much easier back in the game room..._"


	8. Much Ado About Fate

Title: Much ado about fate  
Synopsis: While pursuing Fayt Leingod, the Vendeeni army capture more people...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This will be the only Star Ocean Short with Rocket Air characters in – I promise!

Our story begins on the planet Zana IV, known to its inhabitants as Darkstormia. It's a life-sustaining planet with two moons and around 73 water. More specifically, the story begins in the country of Crossing Channel, on the Glaca continent. A town called Hikari is apparently home to the lightest place on Darkstormia, where broad daylight lasts for all the 30 hours it takes for the planet to rotate on axis. OK, can we start our story now? Can we? Yes? Good.

Oddly enough, a young man who evidently never felt the cold was walking along a snow trail leading to the heart of the town. Wearing naught but black jeans and a black T-shirt with a red bleeding spade on the front (spade as in Ace of spades), he didn't even care if snow blew into his short, black, spiky hair – though he did keep his hand up to stop it from going into his green eyes (wow – something that isn't black!)  
"So tell me again why we're facing this horrible blizzard?!" A young woman called above the noise of the snowstorm. She was completely covered up, wearing a huge silver jacket and bright pink snow pants.  
"Because we're close to the brightest point on the whole planet!" He replied. "I wanna see if, by amplifying the light, we can actually set fire to something here despite the cold!"  
"So we're out here to commit arson!?"  
"Nah, it'll just be something small..."  
"Oh, please don't tell me you've brought a bra from your ex-girlfriend!"  
"You said it, Lisa, not me!"  
"My God! You mean it's true!?"  
"No, it's just one of those crappy little Crazy Frog figurines! I mean, that was the worst fad ever!" Pretty soon, the immediate area became brighter and brighter, and the two soon reached an altar that had a beam of light so bright they couldn't look directly at it!  
"So what now, Dom?" Lisa asked.  
"First things first," Dom stepped up to the altar, pulling the accursed Crazy Frog figurine out of his pocket. "It's time for Darkstormia's very first Incineration death sentence!" He placed the figure gently in the middle of the bright light and then pulled a glass object out of his other pocket.  
"And you're sure this will work?"  
"Let's hope so. I'm sick of this frog already!" Dom (AKA DJ) placed the glass object over the figurine, only to have a super concentrated beam flash up into the sky, nearly blinding him in the process!  
"Dom!!" Lisa cried, rushing toward her cousin. "That's a mirror, dummy!"  
"Ah... heh, I knew that! And when are you ever gonna start calling me DJ?"  
"Never!" Lisa stuck her tongue out as DJ replaced the mirror and took out a magnifying glass instead. Within the next ten seconds, the Crazy Frog figurine had begun to ignite, making red hot flames sprout from the extra concentration of heat and light.  
"Heh-heh! Frying tonight!" DJ grinned, watching the figure burn and melt, listening to the enormous roaring sound around the area. "Hey, is the burning usually so loud?"  
"I'm not so sure..." Lisa lost her sentence as she noticed a rather gigantic shadow looming over the land. Looking up, she saw what could only be described as a massive, red spaceship. It wasn't long before DJ was looking up as well.  
"What on Darkstormia **IS** that thing!?" He cried.  
"That isn't anything from Darkstormia..." Lisa replied. A loud, harsh, alien-like language barked out from the ship. DJ and Lisa had no idea what was being said, but it sounded threatening!  
"I don't know what they just said," DJ growled, clenching his fists. "But I don't like the way they said it!" Lisa's eyes widened – she immediately knew what her cousin was thinking!  
"Don't do it, Dom!" She cried. "I like a good battle as much as the next Marvellian, but two humanoids versus a SPACESHIP!? Like that's fair!"  
"Yeah, you're right – THEY won't stand a chance!" DJ grinned, thrusting his hands upward and firing a storm of electricity at the ship!  
"I don't think they're gonna like that..." Lisa sighed. Her thoughts and fears were soon confirmed, as a beam of blue light suddenly shone down upon herself and DJ! Within two seconds, the lights disappeared, and so did DJ and Lisa! Where could they possibly have gone?

"What the Hell was this one doing?"  
"Well, first he tried a light attack on our ship that caused no damage, then he used some sort of electricity which caused minor damage."  
"What do you think they were saying?"  
"I have no idea. Our on-board translator should be in effect now that they are on board."  
"So... what now?"  
"Apparently, Captain Biwig wants them alive. Their powers may come in handy at some point. In any case, let's take them to the prisons..."

Before they really knew what was going on, DJ and Lisa were imprisoned in a cell on the red spaceship. The cell itself was bare, apart from two beds and a solitary toilet.  
"... you just had to attack this floating hunk of metal, didn't you?" Lisa growled, glaring at DJ.  
"Well, what else could I have done?" DJ asked. "By the sounds of things, they were probably about to abduct us anyway!"  
"I suppose you have a point there... holy crap, it's hot in here!" Lisa quickly unzipped her jacket and discarded it, revealing her slightly-longer-than-shoulder-length blonde hair and blue eyes. Underneath her jacket she had been wearing a black halter top with a large heart shape cut into the chest, with a pink long-sleeved thin shirt underneath that. She then peeled the thick snow pants off to reveal some much more comfortable black hot pants. "Whew! That's better..."  
"Well, now that your body temperature is set to lower a bit, what are we supposed to do about being stuck in here?" DJ asked, eyeing up the toilet in the corner. "No way am I using the toilet in front of you!"  
"Hey! What about me!?" Lisa replied, blushing. "You can just unzip the front of your jeans, but I have to pull everything down!"  
"I'll turn around so that I'm not looking!"  
"Can I trust you to stay turned around?"  
"It's hard to resist not looking at **that **beauty for long!"  
"Hey!!!" Lisa had been trying to make DJ blush, but evidently he was good at turning certain situations around in his favour. "... OK, genius, from now on: **I** choose the adventures!" Before another word could be spoken, the door to the prison cell slid open, revealing a large humanoid creature with a pointy white head and what appeared to be gills on its neck. It was also carrying a Disruptor Rifle.  
"This way!" It barked. "The Captain wants to speak with you!" DJ and Lisa just sat and stared at the being.  
"Who's the Captain?" DJ asked.  
"Beats me," Lisa replied. "But whoever he is, I'm guessing he's the one we'll have to beat up in order to get taken back home!"  
"Silence!" The strange soldier yelled, pushing DJ and Lisa out of the cell.

"Aha, so you're finally here..." The one known as Biwig said. Geez, he looked just as fishy as the rest of them! "I am Biwig, a commander of the forces of Vendeen, and captain of the Dasvanu." The room he chose to meet the two in was a rather large conference room, though apart from a large table, numerous chairs, and a few lights, there really wasn't much in the room at all. "Take a seat."  
"Uhh... OK..." Lisa was a bit confused, but she and DJ sat down anyway. "_Dom, I'll bet he knows nothing about telepathy, or even if he does he can't use it himself, so let's think whatever we privately want to say, OK?_"  
"OK!" DJ spoke out aloud.  
"_Amateur..._ my name's Lisa – a Marvellian from the planet Darkstormia, as you may know since you abducted us. The airhead beside me is my cousin Dominic..."  
"DJ." DJ quickly added. "And you've got some explaining to do! Why did you abduct the two of us?"  
"Don't act innocent with me!" Biwig cried, slamming his fist against the table. "If I recall correctly, you were the ones who attacked us first!"  
"What?"  
"You were the ones who fired a beam of light at our ship, which had no adverse effect on our defences, and then you attacked us with your electrical symbology!"  
"Wha-?" DJ was completely stumped. He knew that he had used an attack on the ship after being intimidated, but Biwig's words had completely confused the poor guy.  
"_Hey Lise,_" DJ thought, trying to get his cousin to intercept his thoughts. "_What's symbology?_"  
"_I've never heard the term before,_" Lisa replied telepathically. "_But he used it to describe that Thunder Storm attack you used – it might be a different word that they use?_"  
"They have a different word? But we just call them attacks!" Once again, DJ had spoken outward, causing Biwig to look confused.  
"Is there... something wrong?" Biwig asked. "You two seem to keep having quiet spells, and then DJ says something and you begin to look annoyed at him."  
"Ah. You see, umm..." Lisa was trying to think of a good way to explain things without giving the game away.  
"Wait a moment... you mentioned earlier that you are... Marvellians?"  
"Uhh... yes?"  
"There's something I shall have to look into. Anyway, my reasons for abducting you are simple: we're currently in pursuit of a boy named Fayt Leingod. His father: Robert Leingod is a major authority in the study of Genomorphic science. He performed Genomoprhic engineering on Fayt before he was even born, giving him an incredible power of Destruction. We have recently intercepted a message that speaks of great doom for our galaxy, yet if we remove the problem, then we believe we may be spared."  
"... the problem being this Fayt Leingod?" Lisa asked.  
"Exactly. We also need to acquire a woman named Maria Traydor – she was also part of the experimentations."  
"Hang on a minute!" DJ interrupted. "What does this have to do with us?"  
"Your powers may prove useful in the apprehension of Fayt Leingod and Maria Traydor..."  
"Stop right there!" Now it was Lisa's turn to slam her fist on the table. "You came down to our planet and abducted us, and now you want us to be accomplices to more abduction?! We never even meant you any harm! That beam of light that first hit the Dasvanu was nothing more than light! Dom reflected the highly concentrated light into space by mistake!"  
"Nearly blinding myself, may I add..." DJ sighed. "And besides, even if we wanted to help you, we can't! We have to recharge!"  
"Recharge?" Biwig reiterated. "What do you mean?"  
"_Yeah, Dom, what __**do**__ you mean?_" Lisa thought.  
"_Bear with me,_" DJ replied. "In order to use our Spirit Energy to attack, or invoke symbology as you call it, we need food to recharge our energy."  
"... oh." Biwig didn't see too much of a problem with this. "Well then, we'll get something sorted out immediately. I'd like to see the full extent of your powers..."

Around fifteen minutes later, Biwig had researched typical Darkstormian foods (which, evidently, were the same as typical Earthican foods) and used replicator technology to create a meal each for DJ and Lisa. They each got a burger and fries with a can of Foster's, and now Biwig was eagerly anticipating dragging them both to the testing room to demonstrate their powers. However...  
"Dom, I'm still hungry..." Lisa said, lightly holding her flat stomach.  
"How do you think I feel?" DJ replied. "That wasn't enough to feed a sparrow!"  
"You... you have to be kidding?" Biwig was taken aback.  
"Nope! We need more!"  
"But... but that should have been enough to sustain the average humanoid for at least 3 or 4 hours!" This statement caused DJ and Lisa to laugh a little bit.  
"You don't know much about Marvellians, do you?" DJ laughed. "You see, not only do we get hungrier more often than regular humanoids, but that's really where our ability to use our powers comes from. We end up getting hungrier after every battle!"  
"Well, in future I would like for you to mention these matters sooner!" Biwig retorted, activating his communicator. "Number One!"  
"Yes, Captain Biwig?" A voice on the communicator spoke.  
"We appear to have underestimated the appetites of our, umm... "guests"... keep replicating Darkstormian cuisine into the Conference Room until these two have had their fill."  
"Understood. Activating replicators now."  
"And while you're at it, search the Vendeen Information Database on the inhabitants of Zana IV, particularly the humanoid species know as Marvellians."  
"Understood. Kaldrig out."

"... Captain! The replicators have run out of charge!"  
"I know." Commander Kaldrig could literally feel the annoyance dripping from Biwig's voice. DJ and Lisa had really done a number on the Dasvanu's food supplies – Lisa had eaten what must have been five times her body weight in food, and DJ ate at least ten times his body weight! And when taking into consideration the fact that DJ weighed more than Lisa did, an awful lot of food had been consumed in the space of two hours!  
"If it's any consolation, we got the files you wanted from the database."  
"Just give me the information on Marvellians!"  
"Roger: **Marvellian (Humanoid)  
The Marvellians are a sentient race of humanoid living on Zana IV. Their most specific origin is a floating continent called Marvel Island. This race is naturally blessed with many "superhuman" abilities, yet they have their fair share of horrific weaknesses as well. Their DNA allows manipulation of a certain percentage of their souls, allowing them to fly, increase/suppress their strength (ki), and in some cases overeat to the point of bursting while remaining intact in the middle of the carnage as though nothing had happened. This percentage of the soul is what they call "Spirit Energy".**"  
"They can just eat until they explode!?" Biwig cried. "Why do I get the feeling we were lucky that the replicators scrammed when they did?"  
"There's another part to the information, Captain," Kaldrig stated. "Should I continue?"  
"... affirmative."  
"Roger: **A Marvellian's strengths and weaknesses are primarily governed by their Spirit Energy. For example, a Marvellian with a Fire Spirit Base is highly susceptible to elements that will impede the existence of fire; Water-based attacks, for example. Spirit Energy is also responsible for certain communications, as any Marvellians within the same bloodline, or who have shared an intimate relationship, can communicate telepathically. Food is used to recharge energy, and so a Marvellian must stay away from fighting for quite some time if he or she has any hope of gaining any weight.**"  
"So, what DJ said was true. It makes one wonder how weak a Marvellian must be if his food supply is depleted."  
"Shall I go on?"  
"Please do."  
"Roger: **In addition to their initial strengths, Marvellians can also achieve higher forms of their own bodies. Depending on their level of fighting experience, a Marvellian can invoke stages called Power Junction, and Power Trigger. The telltale signs of these transformations are an increased sense of strength and ability, changes in hair colour and/or style, and in the case of Power Trigger, height and skin colour are also affected. While every single attribute is improved dramatically, these transformations put an enormous strain on the user's stamina levels, and it is not long before the user needs to revert back to regular form. The longest recorded duration of Power Trigger is an hour, and that was while the Marvellian in question was as relaxed as physically and mentally possible.**"  
"Of course... there's more to these seemingly unintelligent life forms than meets the eye. I wonder now, are the Marvellians primarily a fighting race?"  
"Shall I go on?"  
"Yes, carry on."  
"... oh, that's it."  
"What? That's every bit of information we have on Marvellians?"  
"Honestly, Captain, we were lucky to get as much information as we did. Have you seen the database entry for Earth?"  
"... go on, let's hear it."  
"Roger: **Earth (Planet)  
The third planet in the Sol system. Do you need to know any more than that?**"**  
**"... hmm. I see what you mean..."

While Biwig was busy checking up on the Marvellian race, DJ and Lisa had taken it upon themselves to explore the Dasvanu a little bit.  
"So, where exactly are we going, anyway?" DJ asked, following his cousin through the many hallways.  
"First of all, we're gonna go find a gym!" Lisa replied.  
"What, are you kidding me? What for?"  
"Do you know how much I ate back there? I mean, I know you wanna cause trouble for these guys for abducting us, but still! I seriously need to find a place to burn all this fat off..."  
"Lisa, seriously, I'm fatter than you are!!"  
"Don't be silly, Dom, you're not fat!"  
"Exactly!" The two bickering cousins caught the attention of a young woman trapped in a prison cell. The clothes she was wearing made her look like she had been abducted from a holiday resort! Just a flimsy pink vest top and short blue jeans. Her long brown hair fell over her shoulders, and she had odd yet pretty eyes – they looked green, blue, or grey, depending on the light.  
"Hey!" She cried, grabbing DJ and Lisa's attention. "Umm... excuse me..."  
"Yes?" DJ asked, approaching the cell door. Trust him to be the first to approach a pretty girl. "_Wow, she's really pretty..._"  
"I heard that." Lisa smirked, gaining some new blackmail material.  
"Umm, you're both Earthlings, right?" The young woman asked.  
"Actually, we're Marvellians," Lisa explained. "We got abducted from the planet Darkstormia and desperately want to go back... Bigwig must have given us every kind of food imaginable EXCEPT ramen!!"  
"She'll be cranky all day because of that..." DJ laughed, gaining a jab in the side from Lisa. "My name's DJ – what's yours?"  
"I'm Sophia," Sophia replied. "Is that beautiful lady your girlfriend?"  
"He wishes!" Lisa grinned, suddenly feeling on top of the world. She wasn't entirely sure whether it was the fact that she'd been called beautiful, or the fact that DJ was blushing so much he made the Dasvanu's paintjob look pale pink in comparison, but she was loving it, whatever it was! "My name's Lisa. I'm his cousin."  
"What exactly did you mean by that last remark?" DJ asked.  
"Nothing for you to worry about. You just look forward to your next meal, little cousin."  
"I'm two years older than you!"  
"Wow!" Sophia giggled. "You two are pretty close, huh? So, what were you taken in for?"  
"Uhh... kind of a long story..." DJ sighed.  
"Genius boy here decided to attack this ship!" Lisa interrupted. "He shone a beam of light onto it, which was an accident, but then when the ship arrived, he decided to blast it with electricity!"  
"For the last time, I felt threatened!" DJ protested. "What are you in for, Sophia?"  
"I got captured on my way to Remote Station #6," Sophia replied, looking sad. "I keep hearing these guys talking about going after Fayt. I sure hope he's OK..."  
"Going after fate?" DJ asked. "You mean, like they're chasing their destiny?"  
"You idiot!" Lisa cried. "She obviously means Fayt Leingod!"  
"I've known Fayt since we were both very young..." Sophia continued. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to him. I mean, I've had a crush on him for quite a long time, I admit. He hasn't picked up the message yet, though, he's a little naive..."  
"Yeah, I know the type..." Lisa smiled, gazing momentarily at her cousin.  
"What do you mean?" DJ asked, blushing a little.  
"Oh, nothing!"  
"Why do people keep thinking I'm some dense moron who only thinks about food? Don't you know that by getting us trapped here, I've actually brought about the perfect opportunity to rescue Sophia?"  
"It was a coincidence, Dom."  
"I can't go with you anyway," Sophia sighed. "I want to be on this ship when they find Fayt. I have to be reunited with him..." DJ couldn't help but smile. While he had to admit he had developed a bit of a crush himself, he knew that Sophia was at least a little happier when she was thinking about Fayt.  
"He's really something to you, isn't he?" DJ asked, grinning.  
"He's been my everything for the longest time... I've been struggling with my weight for ages, but if I ever found out that Fayt liked big girls, I'd be at the nearest Kentucky Fried Chocobo!"  
"Wow... that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" DJ cried.  
"Kentucky Fried... Chocobo?" Lisa asked. "Geez, which game **is** this?"  
"In any case, we'd best be making our escape... come on, Lisa! The escape pods must be around here somewhere!"  
"Wha-?" Lisa turned in time to see her cousin walking away. She instinctively grabbed his wrist and spun him around to face her. "What the crap!? Dom, where are you going?"  
"Umm... to find the escape pods?"  
"We can't just leave Sophia here!"  
"Sophia's choosing to stay, so that she can find her love! We can't stand in the way of something so beautiful, so pure..."  
"That phrase is so tacky..." Lisa sighed. "We should bust Sophia out and take her to Darkstormia!"  
"And if we do, what then? The Vendeeni aboard this ship are looking for Fayt, and I actually don't doubt their abilities in being able to find the guy! Back on Darkstormia, we don't even have Gravitic Warp engines, for Rose's sake!"  
"... Well, touché. But still..."  
"Umm, who's Rose?" Sophia asked.  
"Ah," Lisa dug into her mind for a way to explain this. "She's the Goddess who kinda sorta fell into the universe from a different plane altogether and, through her increased loneliness and longing for friends, created the Zana system where our planet is!"  
"She... **fell** into the universe? From where?"  
"Another universe, I guess." DJ intervened. Just as a little note, Rose Hizuki is absolutely NOT a 4D being. She was a normal 21-year-old girl with dark skin and green hair who had never really had any friends in her life. One day she found an OPA (Out of Place Artefact) in the form of an odd-looking snow globe. This snow globe actually sucked her very being within itself, and Rose found herself plunged into nothingness. She couldn't feel, touch, smell, or hear anything. The thought of being alive, yet being no different from dead, drove her to the brink of insanity, while she was already in the depths of loneliness. Her desire for friendship, and a world where things had been better off for her, led to speckles of matter from her imagination being formed in the space around her. The abundant nothingness became a canvas for Rose's very own portion of this new universe – many new places were created, including the Zana system, in which the planet Darkstormia was in orbit. So this would mean that the entire universe was encased in a giant snow globe! And that globe was contained somewhere in a bigger universe, which in turn was inside a bigger globe! ... and so on, and so forth. "It really is a shame that we can't bring you with us, Sophia, but you have a much better chance of finding Fayt on here than you ever could coming to Darkstormia with us..."  
"I know, DJ. I'm really glad you understand..." Sophia smiled, sweetly. "Good luck with everything!"  
"I hope you find him soon, Sophia!" DJ grinned, seemingly keeping his cool...  
"_You're finding it hard to walk away, aren't you?_" Lisa thought.  
"_Oh Hell yeah!_" DJ thought in reply. "_Man, that Fayt is one lucky motherfu-_"  
"Attention all Vendeeni battle groups," A voice over the speakers erupted. "Captain Biwig has made arrangements to have our replicators recharged. While this is happening, we are now scheduling an attack on the planet Darkstormia, to make sure this never happens again!"  
"What!?" Lisa cried.  
"Our ETA is 20 minutes. At that point we will transport down to Darkstormia and eradicate everyone in our path! That is all!" With that, the communication fizzled out.  
"I don't believe it! They're..." Lisa felt like she was about to cry. "They're going to destroy our planet?!"  
"Not if we can help it!" DJ cheered. "I bloody well **HATE** having my planet destroyed! Do you know how much it costs to get a new home already?!"  
"Attention all Vendeeni battle groups," Now what? "We have just received word that the starship Vinkru will be accompanying us in this battle. We will be taking the rear line in the battle, just in case. After all, our top priority is the apprehension of Fayt Leingod. Therefore, the crew of the Vinkru will be leading the assault. That is all!"  
"Oh great, now there's TWO battleships?!" Lisa cried. "We won't stand a chance!"  
"Not with **that** attitude!" DJ replied. "Follow me!"

In the transporter room located at the back of the Dasvanu, the Vendeeni battle forces were already being mobilised for transport.  
"One minute until we arrive at our target location! Collect your disrupter rifles and guns, then await transportation."  
"This is gonna be great!"  
"Yeah, it's been a long time since we initiated a hostile takeover!"  
"What if they start using those transformations the Captain warned us about?"  
"Not to worry, if we take out all the Marvellians first, there'll be no problem!"  
"Arrival imminent. Step on the transport pads and prepare to disembark." DJ arrived at the far end of the connecting corridor just in time to see six Vendeeni soldiers step onto the charging transport pads. In just a few moments, those six would be the first of who-knows-how-many to invade his homeland, complete eradication being the only thing on their minds. Even so, despite the fact that he had been described as an airhead, there was something DJ definitely knew: the probability of a successful attack would be a lot higher with six Vendeeni soldiers than it would be with four Vendeeni soldiers and two extremely ticked-off Marvellians!  
"_Lisa!_" DJ thought. "_I just found us a way to get down there!_"  
"_Way ahead of ya!_" Lisa replied, rushing into the room at the same time as DJ.  
"Outta the way!!" DJ called, pushing one soldier into another and toppling them both to the floor.  
"What's going on?"  
"Clear off, you lousy bum!!" Lisa retorted, doing the same thing to two other Vendeeni soldiers.  
"Don't let them get away!" One called.  
"It's too late," cried another. "The transportation's already begun!" In a flash of light, DJ and Lisa found themselves in the middle of bridge leading to an enormous kingdom with the two remaining Vendeeni soldiers.  
"You idiots!" One soldier yelled. "You've ruined everything!"  
"Ah, blow it out your arse!" DJ grinned, kicking the soldier off the edge of the bridge. Before the second soldier could even aim his gun, Lisa had bent his body over forwards and brought her elbow crashing down against his spine!  
"Two down!" Lisa cheered, only to be surrounded by flashes of light. As each light disappeared, another Vendeeni soldier was in place, aiming his disruptor rifle at the duo.  
"And how many left to go...?" DJ sighed.  
"Well, you're not the only one who likes to burn things!" Lisa quickly generated a flame in her hands, throwing fireballs at the arriving Vendeeni forces. After hearing more strange alien language, some of the later soldiers were bringing disrupter rifles that were modified to fire highly pressurised water jets! "Huh? They know my weakness? How the Hell do they know my weakness!?"  
"Yeah, and why can't we understand what they're saying anymore?" DJ asked.  
"My guess is that there was a translator aboard that ship. But this is no time to chat!" DJ and Lisa began to fall back, throwing bolts of lightning and fireballs respectively at their hostile pursuers.  
"Why are we the only Marvellians fighting?"  
"I don't think anyone else knows what's going on yet! ... hey, Dom?"  
"Yeah, Lise?"  
"Marvel Island's divided up into the Marvel Kingdom, and about 13 other sectors, right?"  
"Yeah: there's Field World, Ride World, Treat World, and Water World (they surround the kingdom itself), there's Air World that floats above this island, and then there's all the different lands: Oasis, Hydro, Moss, Amusement, Ice, Mushroom, Desert, and Lava. They're kinda dotted around the outside of the kingdom and worlds."  
"Yeah, thanks for all that... now, which world is the one where we keep the weapons?"  
"Weapons? We just use our Spirit Energy, remember?"  
"Great!" Lisa growled, dodging an energy blast. "I suppose we could go to Treat World and hit them with gigantic candy canes!" Joking aside, things weren't looking too good for the Cousins of Chaos – although it was a wonder they had not been hit by one of the blasts yet.  
"Sod this for a bag of cheese!" DJ called. "Let's just run! We'll get them to chase us and then blow up the bridge!"  
"Good plan!" Lisa grinned, following DJ in retreat. "I just hope the Queen forgives us..."

Back aboard the Dasvanu, Biwig was using monitors to, for lack of better word, monitor the situation. Aside from the initial six soldiers, he had not actually deployed any soldiers at all!  
"Captain, I thought we were to assist the crew of the Vinkru?" Kaldrig inquired.  
"Like I said before, our top priority is Fayt Leingod," Biwig replied. "We can't spare too many soldiers, in case he too proves to be a problem. Anyway, I am confident that the Vinkru crew are more than capable of annihilating the Marvellian menace." Biwig grinned as he watched the soldiers chase DJ and Lisa away. "Hah! We've got them on the run now! Don't stop there, some of you go to the castle as well! Kill! Maim! Destroy!"  
"Captain, you might want to look at this..."  
"What is it, Number One? Can't you see that I'm busy gloating?" Biwig checked the monitors again to see Lisa generate a pulsing ball of blue energy in her hands. "What's going on? Turn the audio feed on!"

"Check out my awesome special attack, that's totally not a rip-off of a Dragonball move!" Lisa cheered, thrusting her hands forward and firing a beam into the bridge, blowing it to pieces and causing a number of things to happen: some soldiers got caught in the blast, others simply fell through the resulting hole, and some others got smacked in the face by debris, falling off the bridge entirely! "Too easy! Piece of cake!"  
"Hey Lisa, some of them are getting away!" DJ cried.  
"Where are they going?"  
"Looks like they're heading into Marvel Castle. I think they're after Princess Amy, or even Queen Hope herself!"  
"Oh... well, sucks to be those soldiers, then!"

"Kaldrig!!" Biwig yelled. "What exactly did that fat-chested humanoid mean when she said it "sucks to be those soldiers"??" Commander Kaldrig racked his brains frantically for an answer, but alas – he could find none.  
"All I can think of is that there are many more Marvellians inside that castle, Captain." Kaldrig replied. "We've seen firsthand how much trouble we've been having with just two of them..."  
"... get us out of here."  
"C-Captain!?" Kaldrig could hardly believe Biwig's words.  
"I have decided that this is now the Vinkru's problem! They can handle the Marvellians while we resume our pursuit of Fayt Leingod and Maria Traydor!"  
"But Captain..." Kaldrig could finish no more of his sentence before Biwig was staring daggers into his very soul.  
"You dare to question MY orders!?"  
"... no, Captain."  
"Helm, set course for the Elicoor system, maximum warp... engage!"

Back on Marvel Island, DJ and Lisa were ready to head into Marvel Castle, hoping that everything was still all right inside there.  
"Hey, Lisa!" DJ called, pointing into the sky. "Look! That ship we were on is running away!"  
"Ah, who cares?" Lisa replied. "Now all we have to do is get the soldiers from that other ship and make them pay for all this!"

Around two weeks later, the Dasvanu had reached the orbit of Elicoor I, after deciding to search the planets one by one until they found Fayt. In the midst of the search, however, Biwig had another shocking and distressing situation...  
"Captain, we have a message from the Vinkru." Kaldrig announced.  
"Oh, really?" Biwig asked. "I wonder why it took them so long to rid the galaxy of those Marvellian fools?"  
"... the message is priority one, and was dated fourteen Earth days ago."  
"OK, on screen." The screen of the main monitor flickered on, and a rather flustered Vendeeni Captain appeared.

"Can anybody hear me? This is Captain Kheralga of the Vendeeni battleship Vinkru. We engaged a new enemy an hour ago – the inhabitants of Zana IV, otherwise known as Darkstormia. This enemy is very powerful – even with our military technology, we are no match in ground combat! These Marvellians are monsters! They look like ordinary humanoids, but they wield symbology as though it were a plaything, and many of them have very large protrusions in the chest area. Not long ago, a blue wave of energy was used to wipe out almost an entire army of Vendeeni soldiers! If anyone can hear me, please offer assistance immediately! I'm not sure how much longer we can hold out!" A large explosion shook the view of the screen, sending crew members in the background flying across the bridge. "We're hit! One of those Marvellians has appeared with reddish-brown spiky hair and is firing the blue energy blasts at the ship!"  
"Captain! We're losing altitude!"  
"Set all engines to ascend! Get us out of here!"  
"No good! If I give 'er any more, she'll blow, Captain!"  
"Attention, whoever receives this: forget what I just told you. Stay as far away from Darkstormia as possible! I know now where the name comes from. They swept us up and are intent on leaving nothing behind, just like a powerful dark storm. The captain of the Dasvanu must have realised this prior to these events. The Marvellians are not to be trusted---"

"The transmission ends there, captain." Kaldrig sighed. Biwig could hardly believe it. How could two humanoid creatures have given an entire battleship such a hard time? And destroyed it, no less? "Captain?"  
"Uhh, yes..." Biwig regained his composure. "We resume our search!"  
"But Captain,"  
"But nothing! Are you forgetting that Fayt Leingod is a college student from Earth? No matter what special powers were bestowed upon him, they are a blessed relief compared to those destructive, gluttonous, deceitful Marvellians! We continue the search, and anyone who mentions Marvellians, Darkstormia, or any part of the Zana system in my presence will be fired into the nearest star! Do you understand?"  
"Yes, sir!" Every surrounding crew member said. Biwig just groaned and sat in his chair. He'd had just about enough of people with incredible powers for one lifetime...

Meanwhile, back in the cells, Sophia was staring out of the window, as she had been for the past two weeks, watching Darkstormia get further and further away, then flying past some other star systems, and finally watching the events of the Elicoor system.  
"... DJ, Lisa, Fayt... I hope you're all doing OK..."


	9. Lady Clair, Maiden Fair

Title: Lady Clair, Maiden Fair  
Synopsis: Adray has his own ideas who should marry his daughter – though his daughter has other ideas, and rightfully so...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lady Clair, watch how many push-ups I can do!"  
"Please stop following me..."  
"We'd follow you to the ends of the planet, Lady Clair!"  
"What's all this about?"  
"Lady Clair! I can eat an entire Marbled Sirloin 1000 steak in one sitting!"  
"This is actually quite scary now..."  
"Hey, Lady Clair! Eight and a half inches!"  
"All right, that does it!!!" Clair Lasbard spun around on one foot and stood facing the countless men who had been following her for the past twenty minutes, each one trying desperately to out-macho each other.  
"She must be ready to choose!"  
"You want a strong man like me, right?"  
"No, a perfect man's all about endurance!"  
"Everyone knows the way to a man's heart's through his stomach! Lady Clair wants a man with an excellent stomach capacity like mine!"  
"Choose me, Lady Clair – I'm large and in charge!"  
"Silence!!" Clair yelled, causing all in the immediate area, and indeed all of Aquios, to fall silent. "Now, unless the next words out of your mouths are explanations regarding just what the Hell is going on here, I will personally beat you all within an inch of your lives!"  
"Please beat me, Lady Clair!"  
"Shut up, Todd!! Lady Clair, we're all participating in something similar to the Real Man contest held by the Menodix race."  
"While Roger **is** incredibly annoying, I quite doubt that he would influence you all to do this." Clair protested. "Now... talk!"  
"Well, we want to prove our strength above all of the others, as the prize of this contest is... you."  
"What!?" Clair was taken aback so far that she nearly slipped off the Moonlit bridge and into the waters below. She began to wonder if all of these men had been studying her hard, or even worse, potentially stalked her? No, this was ridiculous. These people weren't hormone-driven drunks from that pub back in the East side of Peterny; what would make respectable runologists act in such a chauvinistic manner?  
"Whoever is the best out of all of us gets to marry you."

"You know it's me, Lady Clair. I can't afford a fancy carriage, but my banana hammock's big enough for two!"  
"Dammit, Todd!!!"  
"Dammit, ALL OF YOU!" Clair screeched. She took a step forward, and the unusually horny runologists (well, it was all another day for Todd) could practically see the marble floor explode underneath her foot and excruciatingly hot flames rise from the impact. "OK, guys, I'm willing to overlook this entire fiasco if you tell me one thing: who's the dead man who made up this farce!?"  
"How's it going, guys?" A gruff, aged voice called from the South. Clair's question was answered as soon as she heard the voice and saw an elderly yet muscular man walking in her direction.  
"Sir Adray!"  
"Father..." Clair sighed. "I should have known!"  
"So why didn't you?" Adray grinned, looking upon the runologists. "So, any success with you guys?"  
"Not at all, sir..."  
"Lady Clair won't choose any of us!"  
"She rejected the banana hammock! Lady Clair, do you not understand what eight and a half inches means!?"  
"... what the Hell **are** you!?" Lady Clair gasped.  
"... I'm the Todd!"  
"Why can't you just stop butting your nose into my business, father?"  
"Listen, Clair, you spend all of your time with this Shield Division stuff," Jecht – umm, I mean Adray, said. "You'll never meet any guys at this rate!"  
"Wha-? This is my matrimony we're discussing! Do I not have a say in any of this?"  
"No! You really ought to think about settling down, especially at your age." Clair just snapped – she was still quite a youthful woman, and any grey hairs she had were a result of Adray's continued meddling.  
"I'll thank you not to worry about such a thing!!" Clair yelled, storming off angrily.  
"... oh, dear. Fellas, maybe we shouldn't have done this test during her PMS?" Adray chuckled, only to be smacked in the head as Clair threw her shoe at him.  
"Not only are you meddlesome, you're sexually offensive too! Sometimes I wonder how you got close enough to a woman to conceive me!" Clair quickly rushed into Aquaria Castle, not wishing to see her father, or any of the runologists for that matter. To put it simply, if Cliff had been standing there, it would have been a perfect time for him to say "Sca-ree."

A few hours later, Clair was sat in one of the bedrooms, having her long silver hair braided by Nel Zelphyr.  
"You seem tense, Clair," Nel sighed, taking a few fastenings out to keep the current braid in place before she could start another. "We're no longer at war, and Airyglyph are even helping Aquaria **and** the Defrosted Tuna Team to eliminate the remaining threat from Luther..."  
"It's a nice thought, Nel," Clair sighed. "But I'm afraid I face an adversary that perhaps Fayt himself could not fully vanquish."  
"... who does Adray want you to marry this time?"  
"He gathered at least five runologists to try to surpass each other in "manly" aspects so that I would choose one of them! I want to choose who to marry out of everyone I feel necessary, not a hand-picked few whom my father chose!"  
"... just out of curiosity, is there anyone you are thinking about?"  
"Oh, you know there is, Nel..."  
"Ah, so you're thinking of landing yourself a cute little man?"  
"What?" Clair turned her head to look at Nel.  
"What about Cliff? He's kinda cute if you look past his idiocy."  
"Nel!" Clair called, diving on her red-haired friend and wrestling her onto the bed.  
"Hey! I was kidding!" Nel cried, giggling as she was being tickled. "Stop it!"  
"Surrender, Nel Zelphyr! You cannot escape my wrath!" The two ladies wrestled for a good ten minutes before hearing a knock on the door.  
"Clair, is that you?"  
"... Fayt?" Nel asked.  
"Yes, it is I," Clair replied, sitting beside Nel and pulling the Crimson Blade up to a sitting position. "Please come in, Fayt." Fayt opened the door and slowly walked inside, closing the door behind him.  
"Umm... Adray hasn't been around, has he?" Fayt asked, quietly.  
"Fayt?" Nel asked. "Are you all right? You seem somewhat restless..."  
"Yeah, about that..." Fayt rubbed the back of his neck and looked toward the floor, his cheeks flushing. "Clair? There's something I feel I should talk to you about..."  
"Why of course, Fayt." Clair smiled, standing up. "What's on your mind?"  
"Well... the reason I'm here is because... well... your father recently asked me to marry you..."  
"Oh! I... umm..." Clair was, once again, at a loss for words.  
"I haven't made any promises to anybody, I just felt like you had a right to know..."  
"Yes. Well, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I shall have to have severe words with my father!"  
"OK. Well, I have to go and find Peppita now. I promised I'd show her a few things about how the Thunder Arrow works. Amazing how far her curiosity stretches, really!" And with that, Fayt left. Not long after that, Clair grabbed Nel by the wrist and stormed for the door.  
"Whoa!?" Nel cried.  
"Let's go, Nel!" Clair replied, strongly.  
"Where are we going?"  
"Forgive me if this sounds unladylike, my usually reckless friend, but we are going to find my father and kick the crap out of him!!" Nel gasped. She had never heard Clair speak in such a manner before!

Adray, at this moment, was in the Audience Chamber, speaking with Romeria Zin Emurille (officially known as Queen Aquaria XXVII).  
"Our forces have gelled with those of Airyglyph remarkably well," Adray reported. "And our situation is only made greater by the presence of Fayt's group, Distilled Trout, or something. Those strange creatures that begat from the Vile Wind should be completely vanquished by the end of the month!"  
"Very good, Adray," Queen Aquaria replied.  
"If that is all, I have certain, personal business to attend to..."  
"The only business you attend to is meddling in other people's business!" Clair yelled as she entered the Audience Chamber.  
"Lady Clair!" Magistrate Lasselle cried. "You must request an audience with Her Majesty, and never raise your voice in her presence!"  
"My dear Lasselle," Queen Aquaria smiled. "Do pull that cat out of your arse one day. What brings you here, Lady Clair?" Clair was stomping into the Chamber and stopped when she was within inches of Adray.  
"Father," Clair said, coldly. "Did you learn nothing from the events of earlier today?"  
"Yeah, stay out of the path of your airborne shoes!" Adray chuckled, placing a hand on his daughter's shoulder. Clair frowned slightly and instantly brushed his hand away.  
"Enough is enough, Father! And I have well and truly had enough!"  
"Don't you raise your voice to me, young lady!" Now Adray was raising his voice as well.  
"Young lady? You were insinuating that I was old earlier on! Just answer me this: How did you meet my Mother anyway?"  
"Your Mother? Well, I was just a young lad, off adventuring in the big wide world... well, I had stopped in a tavern in Peterny on my way to an espionage mission within Greeton. I'd had a few, and I couldn't help but notice a gorgeous, blonde-haired buxom young lady dancing on one of the tables and slowly sliding her dress up over her hips..."  
"Oh, father!!!" Clair squealed, her jaw hanging down. "Please, tell me that wasn't Mother!"  
"I'm just kidding, Clair, your mother was the silver-haired, sensible, slightly overweight cousin of the tavern dancer."  
"Slightly overweight?" Clair asked, running her hands across her own body. "That would explain a few things..."  
"Oh, don't be silly." Nel smiled. The redhead had to admit that she found this rather cute, for some reason.  
"Anyway, before you jump into a story of a sordid love affair, did you choose to marry my mother?"  
"Why, of course I did!" Adray cheered, his look of triumph suddenly melting into one of dismay. "... but I didn't choose to have the divorce..."  
"Regardless of your separation, since you were able to choose your partner, why will you not allow me to choose mine?"  
"... OK then, my dear. If you say so..." Clair couldn't help but smile. Had Adray finally given in to her request? "... tell me who you want to marry, right now!"  
"Father!" Clair cried out. "So... so soon!?"  
"If you wanna make your own decisions, you gotta learn to be spontaneous, Clair!" Suddenly, Clair was actually smirking! She had thought of the perfect way to show Adray who she wanted to marry **and** leave the loudmouth uncharacteristically lost for words at the same time!  
"Spontaneous, eh?" She smiled, walking away from Adray, and closer to Nel. "Well, what do you think of this?" Clair backed Nel up to the wall, holding her just under her arms. Nel's cheeks became redder and redder as Clair leaned closer, sliding her hands down to Nel's exposed hips. Nel herself had always dreamed of what a kiss with Clair may have been like – and now, in front of the Queen, Adray, and the Magistrate... Nel felt incredibly naughty! So naughty, in fact, that she found one hand resting on Clair's thigh, and the other gently squeezing her rear end – but with enough force to cause Clair to moan. Taking advantage of the fact that Clair's mouth was open, Nel opened her own mouth and moved in closer, locking her lips against Clair's as the two ladies pulled each other closer. Nel moved a hand up to Clair's head, pushing her even closer and running her fingers through Clair's long, silky hair. Soon, Clair's hands brushed up against Nel's cheeks, Nel's leg raised up and wrapped around Clair's thigh, Adray's jaw was pulled down to meet the floor, Romeria's eyes were as wide as dinner plates, and Lasselle was unsure whether to yell at them to stop kissing in front of the Queen, or ask if he could join in!  
"...well?" Nel smiled. "What did you think of that?"  
"That..." Clair gasped, leaning against Nel. "... was incredible."  
"I'm glad you think so, Clair... but I was asking your father." Adray, before speaking, needed to reach down to the floor, collect his distended jaw, and lift it back up to its usual position in relation to the rest of his head.  
"You..." Adray was amazingly shocked. "Nel, you're... a FEMALE GAY HOMOSEXUAL!?"  
"Ever the ignorant barbarian," Lasselle sighed, carrying some important papers around his hipbone area for some (hopefully) unknown reason. "The term you are searching for is **Lesbian.**"  
"... oh... no. No, no, no, no, NO, this isn't right at all! Nel Zelphyr, how DARE you confuse my daughter like this!?"  
"If you don't mind, Father," Clair interrupted. "I was the one who approached Nel, not the other way around."  
"But... but she – **she** was the one who squeezed your posterior, causing you to go into an open-mouthed kiss!"  
"He was really watching..." Nel whispered. Clair looked at Adray, frowning.  
"I admit that was unexpected," She explained, looking at Nel and smiling. "But it was not unwelcomed." Unfortunately for Clair, her opening up had worked too well, as she had hoped to get an honest answer from her father and get him to realise that she could make her own decisions. Instead, she had made the old codger faint.  
"... well..." Romeria spoke up. "This has been a rather... **extraordinary** audience..." Clair stood to face the Queen of Aquaria and bowed.  
"We have not displeased you... have we, Your Majesty?" Clair asked.  
"No, of course not. In fact, I am rather pleased at this revelation."  
"You are?" Lasselle asked.  
"Yes. For one thing, it is truly endearing to see Lady Clair with somebody whom she loves, be it male or female, and you have to admit – this is the quietest I have seen Adray since... well, **ever!**"  
"So... what should we do?" Nel asked. Romeria gazed upon the unconscious Adray, completely motionless on the floor.  
"We should just leave him here." Clair smiled. "If he starts talking about my kiss with Nel, deny ever seeing it!"  
"You are... ashamed of your sexuality?" Romeria inquired.  
"Of course not!" Clair giggled, looking down on her comatose father. "It's just fun to mess with his head!" In reality, Clair didn't feel ashamed at all. She felt good around Nel, particularly when showing her straightforward nature. Even though Clair had been incredibly stressed out earlier that day, she felt at instant peace while Nel was braiding her hair. And besides, Nel had probably already known about Clair's feelings. She was, after all, an excellent judge of character. And that butt-squeezing stunt was obviously intentional. Clair knew that Tynave and Farleen had speculated the possibility of Nel being a lesbian, but for her to be attracted to Clair? Although, their greeting hugs always did last for quite a while longer than usual hugs, and Nel had touched Clair's butt on a few earlier occasions. Back then, Clair brushed the instances off as accidents, but upon further reflection...  
"Well then," Nel said, interrupting Clair's trail of thought. "Shall we head back? I still need to finish braiding your hair..."  
"You mean that wasn't just a hobby?" Clair cried, bringing her hands up to her head and realising that she had one side braided and the other side straight.  
"I'm sorry..." Nel giggled, rushing back to her room with Clair in hot pursuit.


	10. Yet Another Reference

Title: Yet Another Reference  
Synopsis: Something that had to be done – let's just leave it at that!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As an unusual scene, Sophia and Albel (yes, Albel) were in the Gemity amusement park, pondering a few questions and playing a few games at the same time. Eternal Sphere was a game to the strange yet familiar 4D beings, but it was life for the Defrosted Tuna Team, and so the two had decided to try a different game – Dragonball Z Budokai Tenkaichi Nagai Dai Senshuken Ketteisen.  
"Just how long does the name of a game have to be?" Albel groaned, logging his data into the game control.  
"Apparently, Tenkaichi Budokai means Strongest Under The Heavens Tournament," Sophia explained. "While Nagai Dai Senshuken Ketteisen means Long Title Championship."  
"Long title is right... what were the worms thinking when they named it? Now hurry up and load your data. I can't wait to kick your big butt into submission."  
"Why does everyone keep calling my butt big?! For crying out loud..." Sophia quickly shrugged it off before she could get too mad and proceeded to log her data in.  
"... and just what do you think you're doing?" Albel growled.  
"I'm just logging in, like you told me to. Give me a break!"  
"You logged in as Player 1. **I'M** Player 1!"  
"Ah, learn to accept it for once!" Sophia grinned, logging in as Player 1 despite Albel's face, which took on a range of expressions that said everything from "How dare you take my position away from me?!" to "I'll get very sad and cry if you continue..." all the way to "I'm going to KILL you!".  
"**Player One: Sophia Esteed.**" The computer spoke. "**Character: Pan. Experience Level: D. Player Two: Albel Nox. Character: Vegeta – Super Saiyan. Experience Level: E.**"  
"E?" Sophia asked, smirking. "Albel, is this your first time playing the game?"  
"Shut up." Albel retorted. "Your Experience Level is hardly much better! Anyway, I'm at least choosing the level!" Albel punched in a few buttons on the command terminal, browsing through city landscapes and barren wastelands.  
"**Battle Area: Planet Namek.**" The computer spoke. Albel was smirking his little smirk until he noticed Sophia playing with the controls.  
"What are you doing now, maggot!?" He cried.  
"I don't like that level!" Sophia replied. "I'm choosing the City level so that I can smash you into buildings and stuff!"  
"**Battle Area: City. Area confirmed.**"  
"... I hate you, maggot." Albel sighed.  
"My name isn't maggot; it's Sophia!" Sophia protested. "Computer, start!" The wireframe room around the pair began to phase into an urban area, complete with skyscrapers and dome-shaped buildings. Albel's clothes were replaced by a tight blue leotard, and Sophia's were replaced by a short red T-Shirt and short grey jeans. An orange bandana also appeared on Sophia's head.  
"Hmph! Nice outfit, worm." Albel sneered. "Just how much belly do you need to show off?"  
"Quiet, you!" Sophia blushed. "And what's with your clothes? I can't decide if this is better or worse than the skirt you usually wear!"  
"Enough! You die now!" Albel, playing as the furious Vegeta, made a strong lunge toward Sophia, ready to take her down (even though he was inexperienced and would probably lose at the game), when suddenly a new challenger arrived:  
"**Player Three: Fayt Leingod. Character: Krillin. Experience Level: AAA.**"  
"Are you two fighting again?" asked the comically short and bald Fayt. "Let's see how well you hold up against ME!"  
"Sophia!" Albel called. "What does the camp menu say about his Attack stat?" Sophia found a terminal within the game and pressed a few buttons, bringing up the Star Ocean Camp Menu.  
"... it's over nine **THOUSAND!!!!**" Sophia yelled, slamming her fist into the terminal and shattering it.  
"What, nine thousand!?" Albel shrieked. "There's NO WAY that can be right? CAN it?!" Fayt stood in front of Albel and smirked, which looked rather funny since he looked an awful lot like Krillin.  
"I think it's right!" Fayt replied. "And there's no point in searching the landscape for the Dragonballs, like you usually would in these kind of games – the balls are inert!" Sophia and Albel could only stand and stare at Fayt, exchanging looks of confusion and bewilderment, with just a hint of horror.  
"Are you going to try to fill this entire day with Internet references?" Sophia asked.  
"Well..." Fayt snickered, turning around. "I wasn't gonna say anything, but check THIS out!" Fayt pulled his trousers down, mooning Sophia and Albel with what looked like a large, red metallic set of buttocks. "DAH NAAAAAAAAAH!"  
"What... the Hell... is that!?" Albel stammered.  
"I think... it's Gutsman's ass..." Sophia replied. Right when Sophia thought things couldn't possibly get any stranger, a fourth character decided to log in right at that moment:  
**Player Four: Dominic Morris. Character: Majin Buu. Experience Level: AAA.**"  
"Uhh... who?" Fayt asked.  
"Perhaps a friend of yours, worm?" Albel quickly asked Sophia.  
"I don't know," Sophia replied. "And stop calling me worm!" Yet another man appeared, sporting short dark hair and green eyes. He looked quite overweight, but this was because the character he had chosen was Buu – in reality he was around average build.  
"Hey up, everyone!" He welcomed himself. "How's it going?"  
"Who are you!?" Albel demanded. Anyone would think he were officially ticked off.  
"Well... this'll sound rather weird, but I'm the author of this collection of stories."  
"Fine. What are you doing here?"  
"To put it basically, I'm here to apologise to the three of you for this short not meeting the standards of the others. I mean, I had all of these original ideas, but then I just ran out, and went with the overused references instead. But guys, I promise the next story will be better!"  
"Will I be able to play battle games to my heart's content?" Fayt asked.  
"Will Fayt take me out for a nice romantic meal?" Sophia followed.  
"Will I be able to kill everyone else in this farce we call a team?" Albel snickered.  
"Well, you'll have to see." Dominic smiled. "But anyways, it's probably best if I log out before you all kill me for the events of this story..."  
"**Player Four has logged out.**"  
"Crap..." Albel sighed, logging everyone else out as well. "I should have threatened to kill him if one more person says that I'm effeminate..."  
"**Players One through Three have logged out.**"  
"You didn't have to log us all out, Albel!" Fayt complained. "I wanted to beat you up!"  
"Yeah, now we can all see your skirt again." Sophia grinned.  
"It's not a skirt, it's a SARONG!" Albel yelled, using his hand to flick his hair back and walking away. "... sicko."


	11. Music Matters

Title: Music Matters  
Synopsis: The Star Ocean characters review their own game's soundtrack.

Fayt: Huh? Hey, what's with this layout?

Nel: It would appear that, for this short at least, the focus is on the speech, rather than actions or story progression.

Cliff: All talk and no action, huh? I can't stand that kind of thing!

Nel: That's funny, coming from a man who doesn't know when to keep quiet. Remember the whole fiasco in Duggus Forest?

Cliff: You mean with that bug?

#A small shoe flies through the studio and hits Cliff in the back of the head with deadly accuracy!#

Cliff: Oww!

Fayt: ... heh. At least now I know why women have so many pairs of shoes!

Nel: In any case, I just received new instructions from Clair – we are to listen to various music pieces from Star Ocean's soundtrack and express how we feel. By the looks of things, each of us gets to choose one song.

Cliff: OK, then – I'll go first!

Nel: What? No! If anybody should go first, it's Fayt!

Albel: Good morning, maggots and maggettes, you're listening to Albel the Wicked on K-NOX! Our first track for the day will be Imbalance.

Fayt, Cliff & Nel: Hey!!

Albel: This music plays at various times during the Star Ocean storyline, mainly when something bad has happened to the poor blue-haired worm. The time that springs to my mind most prolifically is in the dungeon of our very own Airyglyph Castle. Now, right from the very start, the gong in this track gives the feeling of misery, or the aftermath of having great amounts of pain inflicted upon one's soul. Truly fitting for when Fayt was chained up while being whipped, crying like a little girl!

Fayt: I didn't cry!

Albel: Yeah, I'll bet. Oh, and I know for a fact that you fainted. I have to admit that our Inquisitor does enjoy his work a little too much, but oh well. Aside from gongs, the only other instrument I can pick out is a harmony of violins, all played in unison to create a strong feeling of despair. This is the kind of music I would expect to hear if any of you got me mad while in a particularly sadistic mood.

Nel: Well, thank you for that. The piece I have chosen is Misted Moon, track number 11 on the Music Test.

Fayt: Don't you need around 55 percent of the battle trophies to unlock that?

Nel: Something like that. Anyway, this music also has quite a few moments in the game, particularly when I sneak into the Airyglyph dungeon to rescue Fayt and Cliff. An easy task, to be sure.

Albel: I'm not surprised this music sticks in your head so much, Nel – it also plays when you get **GAME OVER!**

Nel: Yes, this is true also. But as I was saying, there is a lot of mystery and sadness to be heard within this song. I do believe the main melody is played on a harp of some kind. Really, you might expect to hear it when a character wakes up in the midst of a wasteland where a war had previously been waged. It speaks to me of bewilderment, perhaps even suffering...

Albel: ... and losing the game.

Nel: Thanks for that, Albel...

Fayt: I guess it's up to me to choose a cheerful song for a change! My song of choice is number 26: Bracing Forest Wind.

Cliff: ... only because it reminds you of Wench.

Fayt: Cliff, you mean Welch! I'm not entirely sure what this song has to do with forests or wind, but it certainly is cheerful! It plays whenever you have the Inventor's Guild menu open, or at the end of a Bunny Race. I much prefer the Inventor's Guild menu, though – I have... bad experiences with Bunny Races. But anyway, I'm not that musically fluent, so I only recognise the drums, and what I think is a bass guitar. But what can I say? This song cheers me up, no matter what's going on. I often find myself going into the Inventor menu whenever I've been stunlocked in a battle and broke the Bonus Battle Gauge. The music cheers me up from that, and puts me in a better mood for building the gauge up again.

Cliff: Hey, remember when you used the communicator and we caught her dreaming about you?

Fayt (blushing): Not now, Cliff...

Cliff: Hah! You blushed! It's my turn now!

Fayt: How does that make it your turn!?

Cliff: Just a rule I made up! I choose Around In The Wilderness, which I remember mostly playing in the Mosel Dunes. It's quite a unique track, as it has seven beats per bar, whereas usually songs have three or four beats.

Nel: Final Fantasy VIII's battle theme had five...

Cliff: Thanks for that, Nel... anyway, as I was saying before being rudely interrupted by the hot chick over there –

Nel: (And he calls ME rude...)

Cliff: - this track has a nice balance of drums, guitar, and other instruments that I don't really know much about. I just like the guitars, but I digress. This music really gives you the sense of adventure, you know?

Fayt: All it reminds me of is being so incredibly thirsty, I actually contemplated drinking Chimera's blood...

Cliff: Gross. If you can get the image of Fayt mutilating a poor, not-so-defenceless creature out of your heads, then you'll be able to imagine a few travellers setting off on a grand adventure! Or just riding along some sand dunes on a motorbike, one of the two.

Nel: Why a motorbike?

Cliff: Eh... just a hunch.

Albel: Well, that's just about all the time we have, maggots and maggettes...

Maria: It most certainly is NOT! Don't you DARE try to cut away before letting some lesser-mentioned characters have a say!

Roger: The scary lady is right – reviewing music is a job for a **real** man!

Fayt: #sigh# Here we go...

Roger: I will now give my thoughts on the greatest track on this soundtrack – I Am The No. 1!

Cliff: How'd we guess?

Roger: As soon as this track starts, you're hit right in the face with a fast-paced, catchy banjo beat like no other! This track is the theme music to Yours Truly, as well as the music played while a Bunny Race is in progress!

Fayt: Damn Bunny Races... (how did I manage to lose twelve million fol on those things?)

Roger: No interruptions! Hearing this music will make you think of a happy, cheerful, confident man who just happens to have the softest tail around!

Albel: How can you call yourself a man when you're barely three feet tall?

Roger: Three feet and an inch, thank you very much!

Adray: Since Maria mentioned letting lesser-mentioned characters talk, how about me?

Fayt: You don't get a say in this.

Adray: Like Hell I don't! My choice is track 61: Bitter Dance. I do believe that this sounds rather different from the rest of the entire soundtrack intentionally, as we are in a boss battle in a completely different dimension...

Sophia: You chose THIS!?

Adray: Hey, you don't see me bad-mouthing people's choices, do you?

Sophia: This is the most out-of-place track in the whole game! They may as well have put the Numa Numa song in its place, the lyrics are easier to hear!

Cliff: Sca-ree.

Adray: Hey, you CAN pick out lyrics in this song, I'll have you know! What about: "Work that body, work that body, make sure you don't hurt nobody"?

Sophia: "Make sure you don't hurt nobody"?! It's a boss battle! We're killing EACH OTHER!!

Fayt: Permission to give someone else a turn?

Adray: Denied!

Sophia: Granted!

Adray: Blast!

Sophia: OK then, I'll take the next turn – I would like to review Star Ocean's version of The Little Bird Who Forgot How To Fly...

Maria: No! You can't!

Sophia: ... and why not?

Maria: Because **I** wanted to do that one!

Sophia: First come first served, Maria!

Maria: Is that why you're always at every buffet we come across?!

#Sophia glares coldly at Maria.#

Sophia: You bitch...

#Sophia lunges at Maria, sending both of them to the floor in a rolling-around-style catfight. The Divine Spirit of Language plays as background music.#

Mirage: I'll take it from here! This song first plays when the crew meet Albel Nox, but it's so much better when we have the epic battle against Crosell.

Albel: Hey!!

Mirage: As soon as this track begins, I'm sure that a lot of people are wishing they were playing Guitar Hero instead! It stands out as the most heavily guitar-orientated track on the album, and as a closet Rock Goddess myself, I love it! But the question is this: would I want to be in the fight, or in the band playing the music?

Cliff: I'm gonna have to agree with Mirage on this one – on every single playthrough, I look forward to reaching this fight, and then I get disappointed in the fact that I won't get to hear it again until we find Crosell in Sphere 211.

Mirage: To me, this track screams "Fight with all your might!", which is perfect for me, since I also love to spam Infinity Kick and Blazing Cannon, the latter working best on a single enemy...

Peppita: My turn next! I choose track number 66: Moody Goddess. This music reminds me of a catfight that might happen in the middle of a casino, parlour room, or the Playboy Mansion!

Nel: Where do you learn this stuff?

Peppita: Gonella, mainly. It also sounds like what might be heard on one of Quantestorie's Najica DVDs. It does seem to have a bit of a hurried secret agent feel, when I think about it. With the piano and saxophone merging perfectly together, I think this would be more suited to a chase scene than a penultimate battle. And you wanna know what else I think? I think Luther's a woman in disguise!

Everyone else: WHAT?!

Peppita: Think about it – why is his fight music called Moody Goddess? Wouldn't it be Moody God if he were actually male?

Mirage: That's a very good point.

Cliff: Hey, Peppi, did Quantestorie happen to get the Najica Blitz Tactics box set with the Najica panties in?

Mirage: Cliff Fittir!!

#Mirage delivers a swift roundhouse kick to the back of Cliff's head!#

Cliff: Oww! Again!

Sophia: OK... I'm ready.

#Everyone turns to face Sophia, whose clothes are torn and dishevelled. Her hair is all over the place, and Maria is nowhere to be seen.#

Cliff: I wonder where **she** ran off to?

Sophia: Who cares? I get to review my song! This is track number 86 on the music test: The Little Bird (Star Ocean Version). This version is what you hear playing in the ending credits, though a looped version of the first verse and chorus are heard when I'm getting changed and keeping Fayt waiting.

Fayt: Which wasn't fair, may I add!

Sophia: Hey, you kept me waiting – how long was it? Serves you right! Anyway, this song is in Japanese, so all you English, French, German, and other nationalities that aren't Japanese might want to search for a translation. Unlike Misia's version of the song from back in 2002, the Star Ocean version introduces some drums and other percussion in the second verse. It's also been extended, and actually isn't available on the purchasable soundtrack.

Nel: Why isn't such a beautiful song available?

Sophia: My guess is because it's already an existing song. I do recommend buying the album Kiss In The Sky, though. There are a lot of great songs, including the 2002 version of The Little Bird. I'm not sure where the Star Ocean version is available, though. Oh, and an instrumental version plays in the game as well, usually at times of peace or happiness, but I get the lyrical version! Woo! Go me! #jumps up and down#

Maria: Yeah, you go! Anywhere that's not here!

Peppita: Ah, you're back! Where did you go?

Maria: To freshen myself up. I'm not lazy with my looks, unlike certain other people!

Sophia: This is a text-based story, you moron!

Mirage: Oh, just so you know, Sophia already gave us a fantastic review on The Little Bird...

Maria: ... WHAT?!

Fayt: Yeah, I think even Albel enjoyed the song!

Albel: Hah! What do you think I am, a girl?

Peppita: Well... you have long hair, braided pigtails, you wear a shirt that reveals your stomach, as well as a skirt, and you sometimes stand with a hand on your hip in a feminine way!

Albel: But – but Fayt does that hand on hip thing as well – and Cliff! I've seen them!

Cliff: Actually, we clench our hands into fists. Because we're men.

Albel: How do you explain my deep voice, fool?

Sophia: Smoking addiction.

Albel: Well, now I'm just outraged.

Maria: You won't be when you hear my review! Since my song was already stolen by a fatty who shall remain nameless, **Sophia Esteed...**

#Sophia just smiles.#

Nel: ... why aren't you beating her up again?

Sophia: Because I know she doesn't mean me – she said the fatty would remain nameless, remember?

Maria: (Grrr! She wins **this** round... let's see how she likes THIS!) I'm going to review an early piece: Pert Girl on the Sandy Beach.

Nel: This sounds like a song you may hear on The Sims. I quite like that game...

Maria: You hear this music when you are in the Grantier Hotel resort on Hyda IV, where there is a private beach you can go to. That's where you get to meet a flirt in a blue one-piece, who is quite easily the sexiest member of the cast until you meet the woman with blue hair on Elicoor II...

Albel: (How conceited can you get?)

Nel: (I think she's doing it to get at Sophia?)

Maria: The music really sounds like what you would hear if you were exploring a house or some rooms, or in some cases, the bins which show telltale signs of the overeating of someone with vast insecurities (among other things...)

Sophia: (Who are you fooling, ugly bitch!?)

Maria: Did you say something?

Sophia: I said they also have a pool, and a rugby pitch.

Cliff: (Good save!)

Maria: Now, let's see... I know there are other things I can say about this music... ooh, there are parts where you can make Fayt and Sophia argue, and you can see how enormous her butt is, and it's so funny!

Sophia: That's it, beanpole!

#Sophia's body begins to flare up enormous amounts of energy as "Confidence in the Domination Band recording" plays in the background#

Sophia: I hope you're ready for the Southern Cross!

Maria: Bring it on! I'll just spam Energy Burst!

#As Maria and Sophia fight yet again, Fayt can only think to ask one question...#

Fayt: ... why didn't Adray review this track instead?


	12. The Ladies Wouldn't Like This

Title: The Ladies Wouldn't Like This...  
Synopsis: Fayt finds something in the Barr Ruins that may cause nothing but trouble...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah, the Ruins of Barr. Fayt remembered this place well for many near-death experiences with ferocious dragons, and a strange flute that had to be constructed from a dead dragon's windpipe. Wasn't that like indirectly having his tongue down a dragon's throat? Yeesh, that didn't bear thinking about. It was certainly a comment Fayt didn't need to hear from Albel. Just the thought was almost as horrific as the experimentations that the dragons of Barr had suffered at the hands of the people who used to live there.

"Why exactly are we back here, anyway?" Fayt asked Maria.  
"There might be something I can use to make myself a normal girl," Maria replied. "I mean, now that we've defeated Luther, I won't be needing my power of Alteration anymore, will I?"  
"I can see what you're saying, but do you think anyone on this planet even has that kind of technology?" Sophia questioned. "They've only just come across electricity!" At the sound of this, Sophia noticed a collection of quizzical looks from Nel, Albel, and Roger. "Umm, I meant Channelled Force."  
"What was that first thing you said?" Roger asked. "Something about Electric City?"  
"Guys, let's focus!" Maria demanded. "I want to search this laboratory area for anything I might be able to use!"  
"I know perfectly well what she could use..." Albel whispered to himself, stroking his blade... well, the sheath in which his blade was kept, anyway.

"_There's a variety of chemicals and instruments here. Doesn't look like there's anything useful..._" Fayt thought, searching through a stack of shelves next to the empty green box where he had found some Synthesis Materials the first time the Defrosted Tuna Team visited. Fayt also spotted a few books regarding genetic engineering, or at least a mid-17th century thesis on the methods. Each book seemed thicker than the last, displaying the titles and authors in bold print on the spines of the covers. That was when Fayt noticed a little pink sliver in between two books – the thin spine of a magazine that seemed rather out-of-place in this environment. Taking the magazine and flicking it open, Fayt realised that it was out-of-place in more ways than one, and his face turned bright red, then dark blue, and finally a rather sickening shade of green! "_What the--!? The ladies wouldn't like this._" Fayt quickly stuffed the magazine back in between Leffeld's Theory of Dragon Splicing volumes I and II. "_I'll just pretend I didn't see it._"  
"Didn't see what, Fayt?" Asked the soft, sweet voice of Sophia. How in the Eternal Sphere had she known what he was thinking? Her question was far too direct to be coincidental. Could this have something to do with Sophia's Connection gene?  
"Oh, Sophia!" Fayt spluttered.  
"Oh, Sophia? Heh, don't worry, I won't ask where your brain is this time. Seems like you have something disturbing on your mind – what's up?" This was bad – if Sophia (or any of the girls, but – particularly due to the centre pages – especially Sophia) realised what Fayt had seen, they would have been even more enraged than the author of this story would have been if his collection of anime DVDs was replaced with DVDs of Spongebob Squarepants!  
"I just feel a little weird about all of the experimentations and genetics used against the will of these dragons," Fayt lied. Well, it technically wasn't a lie; he hated what had happened, but that just wasn't the reason at the time. "That's a reason why I really didn't wanna come here..." Sophia stared intently at Fayt, who was trying his best not to show any intimidation. If Sophia could truly read minds, then concealing the truth wouldn't be easy.  
"Well... I do know what you mean about how the people who used to live here have been so horrible..."  
"And yet we were dragged back here after I showed so much disdain? What is Maria thinking?" Fayt smiled in his mind, safe in the knowledge that he had finally thrown Sophia off his original trail of thought.  
"... oh, my!" Sophia suddenly blushed, bringing her hands up to her pink cheeks. "She's thinking she bets you work out, Fayt!"  
"WHAT!?" Fayt cried, catching the attention of everyone in the room. "... umm... I had no idea she felt that way about me..."  
"You have no idea of a lot of things, worm." Albel snickered.  
"You'd better be nice to Fayt, Albel!" Sophia demanded. "I won't allow harm to come to anyone who finds mine of all butts cute!"  
"Say WHAT!?" Fayt cried again, his face turning red so quickly that his nose erupted like a volcano of blood. After a few seconds of this, Fayt's face turned pale due to lack of blood, and he collapsed on the floor.  
"Fayt!" Sophia cried. She was about to rush to her childhood friend's aid when she suddenly felt a strong grip wrap around her waist.  
"OK, calm down, we'll sort him out!" Cliff assured. "Meanwhile, I kinda wanna talk to you about something..."  
"Wha-? But..."  
"Nel, keep casting Healing symb – oh, I mean Runology – on Fayt until he comes around. Meanwhile, you come with me, little lady..." Even Albel was a little freaked out by the way Cliff was suddenly acting, but he still said nothing as Cliff led the bewildered Sophia out of the room.

It wasn't until they had reached the Barr Mountain caves, just outside the entrance to the ruins, when Cliff finally stopped leading Sophia away.  
"What's all this about, Cliff?" Sophia asked with a hint of fear in her voice.  
"That's what I wanna know." Came Cliff's reply.  
"Huh?"  
"I heard everything going on between you and Fayt – you were the one who started the conversation, and yet you spoke as though he had just asked a question or something. What's going on?"  
"I started it? But I... I mean, I... but..." Sophia was rather confused – she was absolutely sure that Fayt had mentioned something first; she knew that Fayt had said he should pretend he didn't see something! But then, what explained how she knew what Maria was thinking about Fayt? Looking further into the matter, it was completely obvious: Maria would try anything to be the emotionally attached girl in love with the son of the man she hated. Hmm, wouldn't Peppita and Roger make a cute couple? What?! No! No way! Sophia knew what Roger was like from the time Nel suggested that the brunette had a crush on the little brat. That was the most annoying month of Sophia's life! So why would she suddenly think in such a way that would wish that upon Peppita? "Cliff? Do you think Roger and Peppita would make a cute couple?"  
"Yeah, I could just see them going on little kiddie dates and things," Cliff replied, smiling. "That sure would be cute... cute as in endearing, you understand, not cute in the context I'd usually – HEY! Quit changing the subject!" That settled it - in the space of sixty seconds, Sophia had inadvertently predicted Cliff's thought of Peppita actually being a cute match with Pest – she meant Roger.  
"... Holy crap, I can read minds!" Sophia cried.  
"Huh? You'd go so far as to say you can read minds? You mean you hear voices, Sophia?"  
"Cliff, you nearly died when you hit on Mirage the first time you two met, you actually enjoyed the taste of Spicy Cake until your MP dropped to zero, you thought I had implants for the first week you knew me, and you're convinced that blue is neither Maria's natural hair colour, nor Fayt's! ... oh, and you think Albel's secretly a very masculine woman."  
"Incredible!!" Cliff gasped. This was stuff that he had never told anybody before! Well, except the part about how he felt about Albel. For obvious reasons, however, he never mentioned this to Albel himself. "Sophia, why didn't you tell us you were a psychic!?"  
"Well... because I wasn't?" Sophia offered, looking down at the floor with her arms behind her back, tracing a circle on the ground with her foot. "Nothing like this ever even remotely began until that day we crossed into 4D Space. When I said my hand was hot, I'm pretty sure I heard Nel say "That's not all that's hot!", but I didn't see her lips move."  
"Well, in any case, I'd better be careful what I think around you until you fully learn to control your powers. By the sounds of things, your newfound ability is linked with that Connection gene thing; it's like you can connect with other people's thoughts!"  
"It's not like I want to!" Sophia cried. "I don't want people to think I'm infringing on their privacy, and believe me: the less known about what Adray thinks, the better!"  
"Hmm... Adray... where is he, again?"

As for Adray, he had been left behind somewhere in the real world. Looking somewhat like some (odd) kind of samurai, he actually did some studying of where they originated and felt he would be most at home in Japan (as opposed to America or the UK where he would be worshipped by everyone from anime fans to Japanese culture fans to full-blown otakus). Right now, Adray was staring at a seventeen-year-old black-haired boy who was accompanied by a very beautiful red-eyed woman with long green hair and a green triangle on her forehead, with a smaller triangle each on either side of the original.  
"Wha-what are you lookin' at, old man?" The boy asked. Adray just laughed a little and smiled.  
"You seem like a decent, strapping young man," Adray grinned. "Wanna marry my daughter?"  
"Master Takeya," The gorgeous woman spoke up. "What would you like Ren to do?"  
"..." Takeya had to think for a moment about this, although he was sure that many readers knew what was coming. "Kick his ass!"  
"Yes, Master!" Ren smiled, running behind Adray and delivering a swift kick to his butt. This caused the old fossil to fall flat on his face. "Should Ren keep kicking his ass, Master?"  
"Yeah, sure Ren, I'm getting a good laugh outta this!" Takeya smiled, his heart warming up a little more to his beautiful, naive partner. Now, let's move the story back to Star Ocean before I become extremely jealous of the fact that DearS don't actually exist – not to mention before I cry.

"Oh, him. He could be anywhere." Sophia grumbled. "He could be having his ass kicked by a busty alien who's chosen to be the slave of an Earthling boy, for all I care!"  
"That's... rather specific..." Cliff sighed. "So, how come you didn't figure out what Fayt had actually seen?"  
"Well, I'm not really in control of this power yet, and like I said I don't really want to invade people's thoughts... but anyway, maybe we should get back to..."  
"_**FAYT LEINGOD!!!!!!**_" The shrieking voice of Maria Traydor forced itself through the entire Barr district like Lenneth's Nibelung Valesti tears through human flesh (unless that human has Angel Feather cast upon it). Before long, Fayt was running out of the Barr Ruins with Bunny Shoes on his feet, hoping the 30% movement increase would help him escape the enraged Maria. "Get back here and face the consequences of your debauchery!"  
"It's not like I published the damn thing!" Fayt cried, not intending to stop running until he had reached the trading town of Peterny – maybe Welch had received a patent for something that could protect his life?  
"Get back here, dammit!!!" Maria rushed out of the Ruins of Barr, only to be effortlessly tripped over by Sophia.  
"Hey, why not calm down and tell us what's going on?" Sophia asked, only to have Maria's gun shoved into her face.  
"I don't need to hear that from YOU!" Maria screeched. Sheesh, why did she hate Sophia so?  
"Let's put the gun away, Maria..." Cliff sighed, taking Maria's gun away. No matter how enraged anybody was (with the exception of Albel), they realised that messing with a Klausian just wasn't a smart thing to do. "Now, what's Fayt done to upset you this time?"  
"I'm not showing YOU, you'll just try to add it to your collection! Sophia, take a look at this!" Maria practically shoved the offending magazine into Sophia's face, much like the gun before. What was with Maria and shoving things into Sophia's face? If it were chocolate, Sophia wouldn't have minded, since everyone loves the chocolate.  
"_Is this what Fayt meant?_" Sophia thought, taking a better look at the magazine. It was filled from beginning to end with derogatory, pornographic images of every female member of the Defrosted Tuna Team – even an eighteen-year-old version of Peppita!  
"Oh, my GOD!!!" Sophia cried.  
"Hey, is that Her Majesty!?" Nel shrieked, reading over Sophia's shoulder. "That's just not right!"  
"Nel, I had no idea you posed in such a way!" Maria added. "And as for YOU, Sophia, you'll sit like **that** for anyone, won't you?!"  
"How dare you!?" Sophia growled, slapping Maria to the ground. "I don't even get in front of the camera when fully clothed! And my legs certainly can't bend like that!" By now, Sophia was on the centre pages, featuring a feature spread of herself with her feet tucked behind her head – and no clothes to speak of. "And Cliff, normally I'd thank you for thinking my breasts are larger and nicer than Maria's, but this time it's totally uncalled for!"  
"Hey, I didn't say anything!" Cliff cried. "... oh, right, the whole Connection gene thing. Reading minds... crap."  
"Reading minds?" Nel questioned. "Sophia, have you acquired the ability to interpret other people's innermost thoughts and feelings?"  
"Umm..." Sophia shuffled back a little.  
"This is incredible! People have wanted to do this for years! It could be the end of all dishonesty – the key to vast advanced knowledge for the universe – or even... oooh, this page has Clair, Tynave and Farleen on it!" Nel suddenly snatched the magazine out of Sophia's hot little hands. "I do believe I shall confiscate this, and show it to Her Majesty as an example of literature that I am sure she will agree is not needed in Aquaria."  
"Nothing at all to do with Clair, Tynave, and Farleen..." Sophia grinned. "But anyway, how would these publishers have a picture of me in a pose I've never been capable of doing? When does it say the magazine was published?"  
"Well, let's see... it's 1681 now, but you're from a different planet, so I'm not entirely sure what year it is where you're from." Flicking through a few pages, Nel suddenly stopped and shrieked, staring directly at the magazine.  
"What's the matter, Nel?" Maria asked, looking at the page Nel's eyes were glued to. She suddenly screamed and rushed to the outer wall of the Barr Ruins, banging her forehead against the brick foundation.  
"What could have caused that?" Sophia pondered. She took the weird magazine from Nel to find a picture of Maria and herself, hugging and kissing while completely naked! "... I think I'm gonna be sick."  
"Hmm..." Peppita spoke up, giving away the fact that she had been watching the whole time. "Either somebody got you all very, very drunk, or this is the work of somebody in 4D Space with a very sick mind..."  
"How are you so CALM about this!?" Maria screeched.  
"Don't ask me." Peppita flipped another page... "Do I have an older sister?!" Cliff looked over Peppita's shoulder to see a mature, full-bodied Velbaysian staring seductively back at him.  
"I don't think this is an "older sister", particularly..." Cliff sighed.  
"Wait, you mean... oh. Oh, that's disgusting. Seriously. This is only good for people who didn't get a chance to meet my breakfast the first time around!"  
"So what, was this published in the future or something?"  
"I don't think so," Sophia moaned. "I look the same age in there as I do here..."  
"That would mean that it could very well be something involving 4D Space," Nel explained. "I say we go back to the Aire Hills, where the gateway to Gemity is, and find whoever is responsible for this!"  
"What will we do when we get there?" Peppita asked.  
"Request more pictures of Clair, Tynave, and Farleen, of course!" Suddenly, everyone was glaring at Nel, with the exception of Albel (who just didn't care), Roger (who was too young to understand), Adray (who had been killed by a DearS), and Fayt (who had just reached Peterny by now). "Umm... I mean... kick his ass!"  
"Well then, first we go and find Fayt," Sophia commanded. "And then – to 4D Space!" Sophia rushed out of the Barr Caves, leading the Defrosted Tuna Team on another quest for glory and, in this case, chastity. It was highly unlikely that this new foe would be as powerful as Luther, but whoever was behind this was definitely at least twice as deranged! "Roger, Nel, stop staring at my butt!!!"  
"I – I don't know what you're talking about!" Nel blushed.  
"Whoa, she didn't even look at us!" Roger cried. "How did she know!?"  
"It's a long story..." Cliff sighed. "But then again, this is a long trip. You see, kid, it all started before Sophia was even born, on a space station known as Moonbase..."


	13. Scattered Memories

Title: Scattered Memories  
Synopsis: Fayt forgets certain things that Sophia seems rather worried about...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We lost..." Sophia sighed, having just had the wind knocked out of her in a battle simulation game. "Sorry." Fayt, who was as exhausted as his friend, rested an assuring hand on her shoulder.  
"That's all right," He replied. "You'll get better with a little practice – plus I think I bit off more than I could chew selecting the 4D difficulty. What matters is whether you had fun or not?" Sophia had always known Fayt to be stubborn and competitive in his games, so it was a breath of fresh air for him to be more concerned about whether she enjoyed it. "If you did have fun, then let's do this again sometime, OK? Of course, if you were bored, then there's really no point..."  
"Well... it was all right, I guess. I'm just glad I wasn't the stereotypical "busty girl in a short skirt" character."  
"Heh. All you'd need is the short skirt!" Fayt laughed, gaining a funny look from Sophia. It was the kind of look that was a combination of "Thank you for noticing my body" and "You'll pay for that later, pervo!".  
"Do you think I'd suit a short skirt?" Sophia asked.  
"I wouldn't mind seeing how you look, to be honest! Hey, what do you say we stop now and go get a bite to eat, or something? You look pretty bushed."  
"Yeah," Sophia gasped, wiping some sweat from her forehead. "I'm beat."  
"Heh. You need more exercise!" Fayt chuckled. Now Sophia looked a little angry; maybe a little hurt?  
"Hmmph! Guess I'm just a fatty!"  
"No-one's saying that! Sheesh!"  
"Oh, really?" Sophia questioned. "And who was it shooting his big mouth off in my room earlier today!?"

_Earlier that day, Fayt had, for some odd reason, been rummaging through one of the bins in the room where Sophia was staying. It was anybody's guess why he did it, though.  
"An empty box of cookies... candy wrappers... a biscuit?" Fayt pondered, checking out the contents of the bin before turning to face Sophia. "Talk about your overeating. You're gonna get pudgy!" Of course, even while looking at the beautiful face of Sophia, Fayt failed to see a big, throbbing vein on her forehead.  
"Fayt..." Sophia growled, gaining red eyes and causing the background to fade black. She raised a glowing fist; ignited with fiery rage. "Mind your own business!!!" With a swift uppercut, Sophia punched Fayt's chin as hard as she could, sending him crashing against the ceiling before slamming onto the floor with a loud thud._

"See, I remember!" Sophia added. "You're saying that I'm a fatty!"  
"Wait, Sophia, I never said you're a fatty, I just said that you're gonna get pudgy!"  
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?!" Sophia cried, proceeding to slap Fayt, only to have him catch her hand in mid-slap.  
"Now come on, I didn't mean anything bad by it!" Fayt defended.  
"Nothing bad by it?!" Sophia repeated, her cheeks turning red. "What could possibly be any worse!?"  
"Sophia, believe me, I never wanted to hurt you!"  
"Oh? Is that so?"

_"Fayt! You can't go around talking to just anybody! Gee!" Sophia cried, noticing Fayt in a rather awkward conversation with a flirty woman in a blue swimsuit.  
"Oh, Sophia..." Fayt seemed a little taken aback by his friend's sudden appearance; not to mention the fact that he'd just been flirted with by a flirt.  
"Oh, Sophia!? Where's your brain, Fayt?"  
"Who's that?" The flirt asked, looking quizzical. "Your sister?"  
"Uh, yeah. Something like that." Fayt replied. "Don't worry about her." Sophia was in shock – she had harboured feelings for Fayt for years, and he only saw her as something like a sister?  
"What!?" She cried. "Since when were we brother and sister?"  
"I said something __**like**__ a sister." Fayt corrected. "Geez, what are you all mad about?"  
"I'm not mad!" Sophia retorted.  
"Okay, furious, then." Fayt shot back.  
"Figures!" The flirt interrupted. "You're with a girl..." She obviously felt like she had caused an argument between the two, and while she was a shameless flirt, she at least tried to put things right. "Uhh, hey... you two, come on, don't fight. Be nice to each other, okay?"  
"Hmph!" Sophia was having none of it, turning away from Fayt. "Some guys..."  
"Gimme a break!" Fayt exclaimed. "Look, if you've got a problem, just say it, all right?" At this point, Sophia had just had enough – Fayt was acting like a total jerk, and for what? Some skinny floozy in a swimsuit?!  
"Fine! Gladly! Here's my problem: Fayt, you are the most, the MOST..." At this point, Sophia's rage just seemed to explode! "Fayt Leingod, you are the most chauvinistic, single-minded, whiny little SMEGHEAD it has ever been my misfortune to encounter!!"  
"Oh yeah?" Fayt defended. "Well what about you, then?!"  
"What?" Sophia demanded.  
"Yeah!?" This was starting to make a little less sense...  
"Enough already!" The flirt cried out (by the way, for the purposes of this story, we're naming her Louise. Can't keep calling her the flirt forever!) "How do you think I feel, having to listen to your little lovers' spat? If you wanna fight that much, go ahead, knock yourselves out. But leave me out of it!" Louise then walked in between Fayt and Sophia, obviously wanting to pass through. "Excuse me." Fayt, not thinking anything of how rude this actually was, just stepped aside to let her pass. "Thanks." Fayt and Sophia both watched Louise walk away, and soon Fayt turned his attention to Sophia.  
"Hey, she left..." Fayt sighed. "Thanks a lot!"  
"Don't look at me!" Sophia retorted._

"Sophia, I just think of you as like a sister because we've been so close for so long," Fayt defended. "I didn't realise that my feelings would hurt you..."  
"Oh, just... never mind." Sophia sighed. "Why don't we get that bite to eat, huh? I need a beer..."  
"You're only seventeen..."  
"I don't care!"  
"Sophia..."  
"What? You don't care that I'm a fatty, so I'll be a fatty! I don't care that I'm underage, so I'll have a fricking **beer!**" Well, Sophia's logic certainly made sense to herself, and the author of this story had to admit he'd tried that logic on a few occasions.  
"You really think that I don't care?" Fayt asked. "Of course I care about your figure, Sophia!"  
"Yeah, I can tell! I wonder what you'll think after I go pig out!?" Sophia quickly stormed out of the holographic game chamber, with a flustered Fayt in pursuit.  
"Sophia, wait!" Fayt called, chasing Sophia through the hotel. "That wasn't what I meant! Why do you think I cringed every time Mom mentioned you starving yourself to death!?"  
"That's hardly any of her business, nor is it yours!" Sophia cried, continuing her escape.  
"I don't want you to starve, Sophia, just listen to me!" Fayt eventually chased Sophia into a room with no other exits – one of those ones that are dotted around the Grantier hotel. "Heh. Got you now... there's nowhere to run."  
"Fayt..." Sophia started.  
"Sophia, I think you're worrying too much about the little things," Fayt explained, slowly approaching his childhood friend. "I know I said you're like a sister, but that's because of how close we are. It isn't like we couldn't become something more if you ever wanted it. And besides, I really don't mind if you get pudgy..."  
"Fayt, I'm warning you..."  
"Wait, hear me out before you hit me again! Sophia, I've noticed how you've grown up (I mean, of course I have, we grew up together), and you've always thought you were too big, but when we've hugged you feel so soft and womanly. It's something I quite like..."  
"Are you serious?" Sophia could hardly believe Fayt's words. "Does this mean, you really DIDN'T mean anything bad when you talked about my, erm..." Sophia blushed a little. "...my overeating?"  
"Well, of course I didn't! I mean, I quite like women with something to hold onto, myself, but I really couldn't care less what size you are, as long as you're healthy and happy – which means no starving yourself to death! Do you understand?" Sophia could only sigh – Fayt was right, and she knew it. She felt like there was something wrong with her figure, but Fayt didn't think the same way. Although he did say it didn't matter what size she was, she could still go along with trying to get slimmer if she wished, but she had to admit she wasn't going about it the right way.  
"Well... OK. But what if I try dieting and exercise, and they don't work?"  
"It won't matter to me," Fayt smiled, pulling his friend into a hug. "As long as you're Sophia, that's all that counts."  
"Awww..." Sophia smiled, hugging Fayt. At that moment, his previous shortcomings just didn't seem to matter anymore.


	14. No Love For Adray

Title: No Love For Adray  
Synopsis: Peppita wants to play a joke... it plays her right back!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If you want everything, you'll end up with nothing."  
"But I want everything!"  
"Now you're just being childish!"  
"I give up. So what would an adult do, then? You know you can just throw a summoner's life away, then you can do whatever you want! This is MADNESS!"  
"... madness? ... THIS – IS – SPIRA!!!!"

"... wow. I don't get this." Mirage sighed, pausing the movie she had illegally downloaded from the Federation Data Banks. Before she could do anything else at her terminal, an invitation for Video Chat popped up on screen.  
"Mirage, got a minute?" A red-haired woman appeared on the screen.  
"Nel, is that you? Wow, you've gotten used to this technology quickly!"  
"I had Cliff show me the basics. Anyway, I'm starting to get a little worried about Adray..."  
"Adray? Why would you, or anyone, worry about him?"  
"Well, he's usually going around asking everyone:" Nel contracted the muscles around her voice box in order to put on a deeper, gruff voice. "Wanna marry my daughter?"  
"Wow, that was a good impression!" Mirage laughed.  
"Thank you." Nel spoke in her regular voice. "But anyway, while back on our planet, Adray actually asked a guy if his daughter wanted to marry him."  
"Hmm? Isn't that the same question as always, just in a different context?"  
"No – I mean he asked if the guy's daughter wanted to marry Adray."  
"... what?!"  
"She only looked around your age, too."  
"But – but..." Mirage was at a loss for words, and her face was as white as a sheet. "But Adray's a – a FOSSIL! What was he thinking!?"  
"Maybe he's lonely? Though he should do us all a favour and find someone his own age."  
"Indeed..." Mirage suddenly stopped again; she had just encountered a horrible thought.  
"What's the matter?" Nel asked.  
"What do you mean by do us all a favour?"  
"It would get him off our backs."  
"What if he has an attraction toward the rest of us as well? I have a bad feeling about this..."

Meanwhile, in a bedroom on the lower levels of the Diplo, Fayt and Peppita were crowded around the same computer, having accessed a Galaxy-wide chat room.  
"He wants to rub chocolate sauce all over my WHAT!?" Fayt cried.  
"Wow, this just gets funnier and funnier!" Peppita chuckled.  
"You do realise that I don't even HAVE boobies, right?"  
"Fayt, I may be the youngest on the Defrosted Tuna Team, but feel free to just say "breasts" around me. Sheesh! OK, tell him that you're getting naked and you want him to see!"  
"No way am I saying that!" Fayt protested, blushing.  
"... 'fraidy cat." Peppita climbed onto Fayt's lap to get to the keyboard, typing in the message herself. After about twenty seconds, another message popped up, and Peppita was immediately in a heap on the floor, clutching her stomach in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.  
"What's so funny!?" Fayt cried, getting more and more flustered.  
"He wants to meet up with you!" Peppita laughed, holding onto the desk to pull herself back up. "Have you read this message? Plz, Plz show me pix, I wanna c ur big bare bubz – what kind of word is "bubz"? Wish I cud meet u n do u hard... what a loser!"  
"Haven't you had enough fun on this chat room, Peppita?" Fayt sighed. She probably might have done, were it not for the fact that the young, bored Velbaysian could hear a certain Glyphian warrior walking outside, uncharacteristically singing something to the tune of Spiderman.  
"Not quite yet, Fayt..." Peppita flashed an enormous, pure white grin.

"_Spiderman, Spiderman, takes a dump in a coffee can. Plays some games with a grudge, gonna..._"  
"Hey, Albel!" Peppita chimed, sticking her head through the doorway of Fayt's room. "Come over here a sec!" Albel, annoyed at the thought of his song being interrupted, would live to regret turning around to face Peppita.  
"What do you want, maggot?" Albel barked.  
"I got a quick favour I need you for!" Peppita smiled, completely oblivious to any danger that may be heading toward her at that moment. Her look of confidence faded as Albel walked right up to her and brought his face uncomfortably close to her own.  
"Now listen here, worm." Albel growled through his teeth. "Why would anybody risk their health – and yes, even their life – by asking me for a favour!?"  
"Oh, no reason really. We're just messing around with some guy on a chat room. He thinks he's been talking dirty to a girl, and..."  
"And you're dragging me into there to get a picture of ME to send to this freak?!" Albel demanded. Peppita shrieked and fell to the floor – how could he have known her plan so accurately? Would he show mercy to a poor young girl who just wanted to reduce her boredom? Wait, hold on a sec... was Albel...

Was Albel smirking?!

"Listen, worm. The only reason I'm going to agree is the same reason I'm not going to kill you."  
"Umm... may I stay alive if I ask you what that reason is?" Peppita asked.  
"It's simple – we have something in common, little girl." Albel smirked again as he walked up to the webcam on Fayt's computer terminal, gave him a quick "Out of the way, maggot!", snapped a picture of his topless form, and then left.  
"We have something in common?" Peppita finally asked. "Albel... do you mean..."  
"Yes..." Albel sighed as he took his leave. "I mean I'm bored, too."  
"That was quite... disturbing." Fayt sighed.  
"Yeah... it's a good thing I already used the toilet a few minutes ago... Anyways, now the fun begins!" Peppita quickly jumped up to her feet and rushed to Fayt's computer, pushing him away just as Albel did a few seconds ago.  
"Ok, so you've sent that picture – NOW are you finished?"  
"Yeah, he's signed out now anyway. It was still fun, though! Now we're gonna install a Playstation 3 emulator and play a few games of Fat Princess!"  
"Peppita, don't you think I'd like to use my computer at some point?" Fayt protested. "And besides..."  
"ALBEL!!!!" Adray's voice tore through the Diplo. Not literally, of course, which was fortunate since the ship was cruising through space. "You think you're funny, you Glyphian bastard!? Why don't you try showing off your body to my face? I'll gladly slice it to ribbons!"  
"What are you talking about, fool!?" Albel's voice retorted. "I'm trying to illegally download Burnout Paradise from the Federation Data Banks, now stop bothering me!"  
"Stop bothering you!?" The loud audible footsteps indicated that Adray was on his way to Albel's quarters. "If I wanted to be dismissed by a transvestite, I'd have gone to the pub in Eastern Peterny!"  
"You'd better watch who you're calling a transvestite, maggot! Unless you'd like me to rearrange your digestive system so that you have to crap sideways!" While listening to the rest of the argument would have been funny, Peppita and Fayt had something much more worrying on their minds...  
"Oh..." Fayt started.  
"... my..." Peppita added.  
"... God..." They both finished.  
"We were chatting to Adray..." Fayt cried.  
"We were flirting with Adray!" Peppita shrieked.  
"And he was flirting with us!"  
"He was talking dirty about our breasts!"  
"You mean your breasts – I'm a guy, remember?"  
"...... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Peppita sank to her knees, sobbing hysterically. "Fayt, please help me to talk Cliff into letting me have some beer – I really need to erase this memory!"  
"Beer?!" Fayt protested. "But you're fourteen! You're too young to drink!"  
"But I'll have NIGHTMARES!"  
"Sorry to say it, Peppita, but there's a lesson in all of this..." Fayt sighed. "People who scour the Internet for sexual chats may have punishment and deceit coming to them, but you shouldn't be so quick to jump in and deal out the punishment..."  
"Why couldn't I have got a picture of someone who isn't on this ship!?"

The next morning was a quiet one – though it was quite difficult to tell what the time was while on a spaceship. Nel could only hope that the tranquillity would last as long as it could before something happened...  
"Peppita slept WHERE!?"  
Twelve seconds – well, at least it was a new record. Nel looked over to another part of the main seating area of the Diplo to find Maria, Sophia, Albel, and Adray surrounding Fayt and Peppita. This could get even uglier than that merchant Fayt found in the Maze of Tribulations.  
"What were you doing sleeping in Fayt's bed, Peppita?" Sophia asked.  
"In my defence, that's what I wanted to know..." Fayt offered.  
"NOBODY ASKED YOU!!!" Maria yelled, causing Fayt to flinch.  
"I didn't want nightmares..." Peppita sniffled, hiding behind Fayt.  
"Aren't you a little old for nightmares by now, Peppi-chan?" Adray asked, smiling at Peppita. This made her shriek and hide a little more.  
"You stay away from me, you foul pervert!!"  
"I'm the pervert!?" Adray cried. "Albel's the one who sent me a topless photo of himself!"  
"That was YOU!?" Albel yelled. "Velbaysian! Is this the favour you asked of me mere hours ago!?"  
"Umm... Fayt and I didn't know that it was Adray..." Peppita came clean. "But please at least scold me by name..."  
"Wait a minute!" Sophia cried. "Do you all mean to tell me that this whole thing started because Adray was looking for sex on an Internet chat room!?" At that moment, all eyes turned to Adray.  
"... well..." Adray started, gaining more death glares from the group. "Umm... you see... the thing is... well, none of us are getting any younger, and..."  
"What would Clair think if she saw you right now?" Nel asked, finally getting involved. "Adray, have you ever thought about enrolling in a dating agency?"  
"What? Nel, my dear, don't you think I'm a little too old for that?"  
"Don't you think you're too old to be perving on chat sites!?" Peppita yelled from her safe haven behind Fayt's back.  
"I agree with her!" Albel added.  
"Well, maybe you're too young to be going on those sites and sending flirty messages to people anyway!" Adray protested.  
"I agree with him too!"  
"Umm, can I leave now?" Fayt asked.  
"Noooooo!" Peppita cried, clutching Fayt. "You're my barrier!"  
"Hey! What do you think you're doing grabbing him like that?" Maria protested.  
"Don't yell at her, you meanie!" Sophia retorted. "We should be saving all our yelling for Adray!"  
"Why is everyone treating me like I'm in the wrong?" Adray protested. "OK, OK, so I went on a chat site – big deal! Plenty of people go on chat sites, even Fayt!"  
"Not for that kind of thing…" Fayt sighed.

Later on in the day, it had been decided that Adray should stay on Elicoor II for a while, in search of a mate his own age.  
"Well, we're sorry things came to this, Adray…" Fayt sighed, scratching the back of his neck.  
"Nonsense, my boy!" Adray grinned. "I feel like this is best. Now I can find suitable partners for myself and my daughter!"  
"You're _still_ interfering with her love life? Well, at least Peppita can escape the nightmares… in any case, things should be better off here now that Luther's deletion monsters are gone."  
"Yes, I couldn't agree more. And, incidentally, thanks for not telling Clair about the chat room… unpleasantness…"  
"This planet doesn't have computers yet; I couldn't rat you out even if I wanted to! Not only would it violate the UP3, but it would also remind me of the horrors…"  
"Are you yapping on about the UP3 again!?" Cliff joked, grabbing Fayt in a headlock and giving him a high-pressure Klausian noogie. "Come on, let's boldly go where no-one has gone before!" Fayt could only groan as Cliff dragged him a safe distance from Adray so that they could be transported back onto the Diplo.  
"… I think Gene Roddenberry's gonna sue someone…"

... Fayt always did have a bad feeling about Clair's father...


	15. Walking On Glass

Title: Walking On Glass  
Synopsis: Sophia inadvertently gives the guys a bad idea…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, this was really, really weird – first of all Fayt, Maria, and Sophia had been told that they were genetically altered before they were even born, and then after using these powers to enter a whole new dimension, they were told that their entire universe was a cross between a reality drama series and a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. The Defrosted Tuna Team barely had time to wrap their heads around the mind-boggling situation when armed guards had surrounded them, forcing them to fight their way out. Fayt and his friends (and Roger) were now wanted fugitives in the city of Arkives, with stories ranging from them slaughtering hundreds of people to "the red haired girl" flashing her breasts and causing blushes so intense that she made her victims' heads explode, all the way up to "the midget with the tail" looking the Captain of the armed forces right in the eye and saying "Bite me".

Fayt had suggested that everyone look around for some clues, since even though they were wanted as criminals, not even the patrolling soldiers recognised them.

"Sorry, sir, you'll have to stand aside – some ruthless crooks just laid waste to eight of our finest soldiers!"  
"Uhh, yeah… that was us."  
"What?"  
"The soldiers arrived after Flad's mom hit the silent alarm, and we beat the crap out of your little firing squad!"  
"Hah! You wish, kid! Now run along!"  
"… heh. OK…"

In any case, while everyone else was searching, Fayt decided to use some time to chat to his sexy childhood friend…  
"How are you doing, Sophia?" Fayt asked. Sophia, who had a look of deep thought on her face, turned to greet Fayt with a smile.  
"Hi, Fayt!" She beamed. "I'm doing all right, thanks. Well, as "all right" as I can get after everything that's been going on…"  
"I know what you mean… I mean, us? Just characters? Our whole universe, a game?"  
"I don't know what to think of the whole thing, myself. Though somehow this helps to reinforce my theory that our whole universe is encased within a giant snow globe!" After hearing this, Fayt's body was compelled to perform a somersaulting face vault.  
"… a snow globe, Sophia!?" Fayt questioned, standing back up.  
"Yeah! Our universe is contained in a snow globe! And that globe is inside another universe, which is inside a bigger globe! And so on, and so forth."  
"But… but that's CRAZY! Even our universe being a game makes more sense than that!"  
"You never know, Fayt! It certainly explains why this "game" is called Eternal Sphere!" Sophia giggled, winking at her blue-haired friend.  
"Well, I can't argue with that logic… what do you think of the whole thing, Sophia?"  
"I'm not 100% sure… but there's definitely something strange about this town… why is the floor transparent?"  
"Huh?" Fayt looked down, only to be greeted with an endless blue. Just how high up were they, anyway? The consequences of falling off didn't bear thinking about.  
"You know, if the light hits the floor at just the right angle, it's almost like a mirror…" Sophia continued. "It's so embarrassing!"  
"Why would it be embarrassing, Sophia? You've looked in mirrors before, right?" Fayt was about to look back up when he noticed the glass floor flash white, reflecting the light that was shining down from above. At that moment, the floor was indeed like a mirror! Fayt could see himself staring back at him, and he could also see Sophia. Her chest obstructed the view of most of her head, though, and it was a lot easier for Fayt to see the kitten prints on Sophia's tights…  
"_**Esteed KICK!!!**_" Sophia quickly dealt a thunderous kick directly to Fayt's solar plexus, leaving him to collapse to the floor in agony. "Fayt, I know we grew up together, but what gives you the right to look up my skirt?!" Fayt could barely look up at this point, but he could see that Sophia's mood was as furious as the blush across her face.  
"S-Sorry, Sophia…" Fayt squeaked, clutching his abdomen as he tried in vain to get back up.

Somewhere in the distance Cliff, Roger, and Albel had seen the whole thing. Well, in actual fact, Albel wasn't paying much attention.  
"Hey, did you see that?" Cliff asked, grinning. "If Sophia deals a kick like that to whoever's destroying our universe, this will be a piece of cake!"  
"Why did Sophia kick Fayt in the first place?" Roger asked.  
"By the sounds of things, she was saying that sometimes the transparent floor is like a mirror. My guess is that Fayt got a good look at Sophia's panties!"  
"Oh! … say Cliff, what's a panties?"  
"Listen and be amazed, young one…" Cliff smiled, whispering into Roger's ear. Roger soon blushed immensely, grinning from ear to furry ear.  
"Now that sounds hot! I gotta get in on some of that!" Roger cheered.  
"It's what a real man strives for, make no mistake!" Cliff replied. Pretty soon, this was to be classed as incessant jabbering from a pair of maggots. And if the reader is familiar with the author's style of writing by now, then it shall be known that the point of view is shifting to Albel.  
"What are you worms giggling about?" Albel inquired. "You sound like a pair of Aquarian schoolgirls!"  
"We were just talking about how the floor here can be like a mirror when the light hits it at a certain angle." Cliff explained.  
"Yeah, and it would be a perfect opportunity to get a quick peek at Sophia's… what was that word again?" Roger asked.  
"Panties."  
"Oh, yeah – panties!"  
"You two are sick, twisted individuals!" Albel spat. "And yet I couldn't agree more."  
"So, we're all in agreement," Cliff decided. "I say that one of us distracts her while the others try to look at the right angle to get a good look. Then we disperse, rotate the team, and repeat the process until all three of us have seen them."  
"Hmm, you do come up with good ideas at times, blond maggot!"  
"Finally, a little respect!" And with that, the newly formed trio of perverts snuck off to initiate their plans…  
"You know," Cliff whispered in Albel's ear. "Roger could probably just run between her legs and look up!"  
"I heard that!" The super-short Menodix protested.

Sophia was still trying to wrap her head around her entire way of life being a mere game, but her mind kept wandering a little bit as well. She may have complained when Fayt ignored her and everyone else, but something she had never mentioned before was that sometimes (amidst cooking, cleaning, and other "feminine" activities) she liked to try out a few games just to see what all the fuss was about. One of her favourites was a platform game in which a prince living in the land of Coni had to traverse the massive amusement park known as Marvel Land to save its fairies and the princess from an evil mole who had recently usurped most of the park. Sophia imagined what life may have been like if, since she was essentially a game character, she could be installed into other games as well, and if collecting fifty golden rings and jumping into the air would turn her into a blonde. While lost in her trail of thought, she was greeted by Albel, whom she promptly walked into.  
"Oops!" Sophia yelped, steadying herself so that she didn't fall. "S-sorry, Albel."  
"So you should be, maggot!" Albel sneered, not breaking character for even a moment.  
"Umm… is there anything I can help you with?" Sophia noticed Albel looking a little absent-minded, almost as though he were concentrating on something happening behind her. "You know, I'd really appreciate it if you at least made eye contact when I'm talking to you!"  
"Are you actually threatening me?" Albel demanded, giving Cliff and Roger enough time to sneak up behind Sophia.  
"Now's our chance!" Roger cheered. "Time to look down!"  
"What are you doing!?" Cliff whispered through clenched teeth, grabbing Roger. "Be quiet!!"  
"Hmm?" Sophia asked. "Look down? I wonder why?" Assuming the instruction was for her, Sophia peered downward, suddenly gasping in horror as the light in her view refracted…

Meanwhile, Fayt had actually managed to find a magazine shop in Arkives, and was skimming through a review section of the Eternal Sphere.  
"Wow, there's a lot of messed up stuff here!" Fayt exclaimed. "People actually install patches to make the girls appear nude?"  
"_**OH, MY GOD!!!!!!**_" Sophia's traumatised voice tore through the town centre. Dropping the magazine, Fayt ran to his childhood friend's aid. When he reached the main central area of the town, he saw Sophia looking downward with a face that was drained of all colour, Albel stood in front of her not knowing (or caring) what was happening, and Cliff and Roger huddled up behind Sophia looking like idiots.  
"What's going on here?" Fayt asked. Sophia looked up at Fayt slowly, her whole body trembling.  
"Fayt…" Sophia stammered. "I… I…"  
"What's the matter Sophia?"  
"Umm… well… the mirror floor… it embarrassed me…"  
"For crying out loud, Albel!" Fayt suddenly turned his attention in an angry way toward the Glyphian captain. "You may be captain of the Black Brigade, but that gives you no right to use the transparent floor as an advantageous attempt to look at Sophia's panties!!!"  
"Wha-!?" Albel cried out. "What do you take me for, maggot!?"  
"You're calling Fayt a maggot?!" Sophia cried out. "Somebody has deflection issues!"  
"And what's that supposed to mean?"  
"Fayt, Albel doesn't wear anything under his dress!" Sophia cried, shaking again.  
"It's a SARONG!"  
"It's just **plain** wrong!" Now both Albel and Sophia were blushing immensely, and it would appear that Sophia had seen a part of Albel she shouldn't have! "Cannot unsee!" Sophia then proceeded to run away in any random direction, repeating her scream of "Cannot unsee!"  
"Well…" Cliff said, standing up straight. "That was unexpected." Suddenly, Roger had a look of unadulterated fear on his face. Albel, blinded with rage and yet completely focused on the sheepish-looking Klausian and Menodix. Getting into a battle stance, Albel quickly reached for the sword he kept locked on his person.  
"You perverted little bastards!" Albel yelled. "This whole thing happened because of YOU!"  
"Oh, damn!" Cliff cried, turning to Roger. "Move! MOVE!!" And so, both Klausian and Menodix ran for their lives as Albel the Wicked fired wave after wave of Air Slash toward them. The crimson tone of his face told many a story of what he wished to do when he got his hands on those who were responsible for his most embarrassing moment ever, while poor Sophia, who was the intended target in the first place, decided to stay out of the way and not think about what parts of Albel she had seen…


	16. A Bad Choice Of Words

Title: A Bad Choice Of Words  
Synopsis: There are some things a guy should never say, ever…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is retribution, you bastard!!"

With that valiant battle cry as a tribute to her fallen comrades of past, Nel Zelpher quickly slammed the sharp end of her dagger into the head of the Giant Crab, piercing its hard shell and ending what had been a gruelling three-hour battle. Revelling in the fact that the horrific fight had finally reached a conclusion, a rather tired and battered Nel collapsed, quickly propping one foot on the floor to prevent her body from fully falling to the ground. Her breaths were short and deep, her lungs aching for sufficient oxygen. Her heart was pounding much faster and harder than usual, which was not a good sign when she considered the many cuts and lacerations she had received on her legs, back, head, chest, and particularly the one straight down her left arm.  
'_Damn! Must have hit an artery, or something. I'd better take care of this, and fast!_'  
Nel quickly tore a long piece of fabric from her scarf, wrapping it around the cut on her arm while applying as much pressure as she could in order to halt the bleeding. It was an amateur job at best, but it would have to suffice for the time being. Besides, after a few hacks and slashes she had endured in the crab battle, her scarf had actually been the most unharmed article of clothing she had! The brown obi-like sash had been completely torn away from her dress, as well as the left sleeve (which explained how her arm had become so damaged). Parts of the dress had been completely broken away at the front and back, revealing a lot of her damaged back, the top area of her right breast and the complete left portion of her stomach – each with their own cuts and bruises. Nel's long black boots had also been almost completely destroyed, each with only enough material to cover her feet and ankles. As expected, Nel's long thin legs had been given the "hack to death" treatment, leaving many red marks that shared the same colour as the marks she already had for her Runology.

Cliff Fittir, the self-proclaimed one man wrecking crew, had fared no better. He was laid out face-up on the floor, trying to rest off the headache of being killed twice. The last of the fresh sage in the party's inventory had been used to keep him in the battle, as the trio had needed all the help they could get. The collar of his jacket had been torn off, revealing the dark circles around his neck – a racial trait among Klausians. The right leg of his trousers was hanging on by mere threads, and though his outfit was a lot more durable than Nel's, his body underneath had still suffered damage and lacerations. That crab had slammed Cliff into the walls a few times, so he was glad to have at least dealt a few powerful hits before Nel finished it off. His head and his right arm were both throbbing in pain, and he could only hope the sharp feeling would fade quickly.

"That was easy!"

Fayt Leingod, on the other hand, still had a reasonably high amount of Hit Points, and his clothes and weapon were perfectly intact! He had been lucky throughout the whole battle, managing to duck and weave away from the giant crab's attacks – although more often than not Fayt would slip on the damp aqueduct floor and fall out of the line of fire, meaning another teammate would endure the attack instead! Fayt stood triumphant in the middle of the room, looking down at the deceased crab that he had barely even touched! Nel had been hacked, slashed, completely run down, and even had part of her bosom exposed, while Cliff had been battered, bruised, and even killed a few times, and what had Fayt to say about the whole situation?

That was easy?!

Nel and Cliff both stood up in an instant, all feelings of pain that had ravaged their bodies now quickly forgotten. Fayt's triumphant look soon faded as he could literally sense Nell and Cliff standing right behind him, their furious collective aura erecting every tiny hair on the back of his neck.  
"Excuse me, Fayt…" Nel spoke slowly through gritted teeth. "But would you care to repeat what you just said?"  
"Umm…" Fayt began to feel rather foolish, but at the same time he knew that both his friends already knew exactly what he had said.  
"Well!?"  
"I said… that was… not really as hard as I thought it would be?" At that moment, Fayt felt a strong grip on his right shoulder, and he was quickly spun around to meet the enraged glare of Cliff, who immediately proceeded to yank Fayt up by his collar, lifting the poor boy off the ground completely!  
"You said it was EASY!!!" Cliff bellowed. "Fayt, you blue-haired bastard! I was hoping I'd only have to die once in my life, but that crab killed me twice! And I didn't see you offering much in terms of help! And what about Nel, huh?"  
"I have cuts and bruises all over my body!" Nel followed, also in a highly raised voice. "Plus there are parts of me on display that I'd rather not have shown the two of you!"  
"And just because you came out without a scratch you go ahead and say that it was easy!? You blue-haired bastard!"  
"Ummm, Cliff?" Fayt asked, not quite realising that he was playing with fire. "You already said that last part…" Fayt then found himself slammed right up against a cold stone wall, a large feeling of pain suddenly exploding all over his back.  
"Then allow me to repeat myself yet again!" The obviously aggravated Cliff growled. "**YOU BLUE-HAIRED BASTARD!!!**"  
"Guys, don't you think you're being a little harsh? We won, didn't we?"  
"No thanks to you!" Nel retorted. "Now I see why your name is Fayt: you spend enough time tempting it!"  
"What should we do with him, Nel?" Cliff asked, gaining a rather worrying evil grin.  
"I would suggest leaving him here for Airyglyph to deal with," Nel replied. "But unfortunately that would risk allowing them to have the information we need."  
"Exactly!" Fayt added in a rushed and scared manner. "See, you can't just leave me!"  
"… we could just kill you."  
"Even I think that's a little too far." Cliff interrupted. He had no intention of killing Fayt, despite how many times he himself had died in the past three hours. Cliff also doubted that Nel really had it in her to kill him – she seemed to have been showing a bit of a soft spot for him up until the revelation of quite a different "soft spot". However, Nel's suggestion had given him a rather wicked idea that could very well compromise the relationship the two had for the blue-haired Earthling.  
"So what do you suggest, Cliff?" Nel asked. "Surly we can't let him get away with this?"  
"Come on, guys!" Fayt cried. "This isn't funny anymore!"  
"He said that battle was easy, right? Let's give him a battle that he won't find so easy!" And with that, Cliff quickly threw Fayt down to the floor. The college student found himself desperately clambering to his feet, his body shaking in terror at the thought of what may have happened next.  
"Geez, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you!?" Fayt asked, slowly backing away from the advancing Cliff and Nel, a solitary bead of sweat dribbling down the middle of his forehead. "… guys? Cliff, Nel, this is a joke, right?" Fayt's question was answered in a way he did not intend as Cliff's hands began to crackle with electricity!

"_**Electric Fists!!!**_" Cliff called, sending fists of thunderous fury toward the swiftly evacuating Fayt. One punch managed to catch him on the butt, though, sending the lower half of his body flying up from beneath him and leaving the poor boy's back to crash harshly on the floor.  
"Whoa!" Nel cried. "Cliff, when did you learn that!?" Nel knew that the idea was to battle Fayt and rough him up a little bit, but she also knew that Electric Fists would have been highly effective against the gargantuan crustacean she had just narrowly succeeded in eliminating.  
"I think it was just now!" Cliff replied, pulling Fayt up to his feet. "OK, I do believe it's your turn."  
"Right!" Fayt yelled, pushing himself away from Cliff and drawing his sword. "I dunno what I have to do to get through to you guys, but…" Fayt's sentence was cut off by a blue shining light emanating from behind where Cliff was stood.  
"I think you'll find that I was talking to Nel." The blond Klausian grinned psychotically. He stepped to the side, revealing that Nel was responsible for the blue light – she had been charging up her Runology!  
"_**Fire Bolt!!!**_" Nel launched three balls of flame that flew behind Fayt, and then curved around to intercept him.  
"Crap, crap, CRAP!" Fayt cried, running away from the fireballs as quickly as he could. He had played a lot of games in his life where the protagonist would end up being chased by a boulder and keep running as far away as they could. He just couldn't understand why it never occurred to them to run to the side so that they would fly right past? Stopping in his tracks, Fayt awaited the oncoming balls of fiery death, and then quickly jumped to the side at the last moment. As he predicted, all three fireballs flew straight past him, but he really may as well have carried on running, as each ball changed its trajectory and curved back around to attack Fayt! "Dammit!" Fayt cried once more, running through a doorway into the next room.  
"Umm, isn't the ice a little thin there, Nel?" Cliff asked.  
"Indeed it is," Nel replied. "Either Fayt walks and gets hit by the fire, or he runs and breaks the ice under his feet. I wonder which he'll choose?" Suddenly, the sound of a crash echoed throughout the aqueducts, as did Fayt's frightened scream. Even more crashing occurred, implying that more blocks of ice were breaking and falling down where the floor had collapsed around Fayt.

"Sorry I'm late." Nel smiled, approaching one of her subordinates – a rather cold-looking blonde woman dressed quite similar to how Nel looked before her outfit was wrecked.  
"Lady Nel!" The blonde replied. "Our preparations are complete, ma'am. We can leave immediately!"  
"Nice work, Tynave."  
"I'm just glad you're safe." Tynave really did seem rather relieved. Soon enough, another young woman soon came out of the wagon they had prepared. She had purple hair, and was visibly shivering. Cliff took a personal note of the fact that this cute young woman had a much larger bust than the comparatively flat-chested Tynave.  
"Lady Nel!" She spoke in quite a high-pitched voice, as though everything this woman had ever eaten in her life had been secretly laced with helium. "Are these the ones, ma'am?"  
"Yes, Farleen." Nel replied, smiling. "They're engineers from Greeton, as we thought." Holding her hands up to her chest in an effort to maintain some warmth, Farleen took the time to notice a completely dishevelled young man with blue hair. He was in the worst shape Farleen had ever seen a person – cuts and bruises everywhere with no shirt to speak of, black charred burn marks on his back, and it looked as though some chunks of his hair had been sliced clean off!  
"Lady Nel, what happened to **him**?" The ever-curious Farleen asked.  
"Never mind him," Cliff assured. "He just got… a little cocky, that's all. We'll take care of him." Fayt had only just found the energy to get up onto his feet, exchanging angry glares with Nel and Cliff.  
"I… am going to kick… your… ass!" Fayt growled before fainting once again. Farleen quickly caught him in mid-fall, as she was incredibly worried about the well-being of Fayt. That, and if she hadn't caught him he would have ended up face-first in her deep cleavage.  
"We need to get this man some help, quick!" Farleen cried.  
"I guess…" Nel snickered. "But we don't have time to kick back and chat now. Our pursuers are right behind us. If the Dragon Brigade shows up, we'll be in serious trouble."  
"And it'll be all his fault!" Cliff grinned, poking the unconscious Fayt.

Thankfully Fayt managed to survive the whole ordeal, and even recovered in time to escape the wagon with Cliff and Nel while Tynave and the hot one lured the Dragon Brigade away. Even so, from that point onward he would never forget Nel's meaning when she stated that death awaited the overconfident.


End file.
